


Tales Down Under

by ChaoticCookie, MewVulpix



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Flowey Remembers Resets (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Souls, True Lab (Undertale), Undertale Genocide Route, Undertale Pacifist Route, Undertale Saves and Resets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCookie/pseuds/ChaoticCookie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MewVulpix/pseuds/MewVulpix
Summary: The daughter of Herobrine, Diamond, and her annoying devil on her shoulder, Sapphire, fall into the underground. What happens when the genocidal creature in her head decides she’s unsatisfied by the pacifist ending and wants to play with everyone too?This is part 1 of 3. Part 1 is exactly like the game, the pacifist route. Hopefully Diamond and Sapphire’s interaction will make it worth reading.Part 2 will be the genocide route.Part 3 will be the true pacifist route.
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1 - The Ruins

Falling. I was falling. I haven’t watched where I was going and tripped. I had tumbled into a hole in the cave I had wandered into. The world went black when I hit the ground. Some time later, my eyes slowly opened. I was on my back, flowers caressing my body. There was nothing but darkness around me. Only a small beam of sunlight cut through the inky black. My head pounded from the impact. Shakily I stood, looking upwards. I attempted to bring out my wings from where they hid but nothing happened. 

“No wings?” I questioned before a red glow against my chest caught my attention. I looked down and picked up my new necklace. It was a glowing red heart on a metal chain. 

“Why don’t we start walking then?” A voice caught my attention. I looked up and spotted the silhouette of my other half. 

“Sapphire?”

“Yep. Seems I can project myself easier here.” She stood up straight from where she was leaning against the wall. She was the voice in my head. Not my conscience, but rather the devil on my shoulder, telling me exactly how to end every creature or person I saw. She was translucent and glowing slightly, much like a ghost.

“Then let's go, i guess.” I looked off towards the opening in the rock face. There was more to see, and perhaps even a way out. I paused and looked around. A gentle music echoed through the cavern, as if coming from everywhere at once. “Do you hear that?”

“Maybe it's from ahead, who knows. Who cares.”

“How helpful of you,” I said flatly and walked past her, hand along the rock face so I could figure out where I was going. “Why’s it so dark? My vision isn’t working properly. My senses seem muted too. I can’t hear or smell.”

“Maybe because it's damp and dank down here.”

“Maybe…” I grasp my bag closer to my body. I hadn’t yet realized that I couldn’t access any of my previous supplies. There was a grand doorway before us. I squinted through it, trying to see ahead. There was another patch of sunlight. I shot sapphire a glance before heading forward. The music we heard changed to a poppy tune, upbeat and cheerful. A yellow flower bounced back and forth ahead of us. It not only moved, but had a face. “That’s creepy.”

“Let’s step on it.”

“No,” I said and jumped when the flower spoke, a childish and cheerful voice. 

“HOWDY! I’m Flowey! Flowey the flower. Hmm… you’re new to the underground, arencha? Golly, you must be so confused.”

“Underground. How creative of a name.” I shot Sapphire an annoyed look at her comment. 

“Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do. Ready? Here we go!” The area went black with only his outline was white. Buttons appeared before me like a control panel. Fight, Act, Item, and Mercy. 

“See that necklace?” I looked down at the glowing red heart around my neck. “That is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!”

“Hey like your stone.”

“Hush.”

“Your SOUL starts off weak, but it can grow if you gain lots of LV. What’s LV stand for? Why, LOVE of course! You want some love don’t you? Don’t worry! I’ll share some with you~!” The flower winked, sending a wary shiver through my spine. “Down here, LOVE is shared through… little white… “friendliness pellets”.” A number of white pellets appeared around his head. “Are you ready? Move around! Catch as many as you can!” The white pellets were flung at me. I darted out of the way, moving to avoid them. I didn’t trust this creature one bit. 

“Hey, buddy, you missed them.” The music echoing in the cavern got deeper and slower. “Let’s try again, okay?” More white orbs appeared and flung at me. I rolled out of the way of them, narrowly avoiding them. The flower looked progressively more angry. “Is this a joke? Are you brain dead? RUN. IN. TO. THE. BULLETS! I mean friendliness pellets.” I definitely avoided them after he said that. He put on a creepy smile, eyes going black with white slits.

“You know what’s going on here, don't you? You just want to see me suffer. DIE!” He cackled creepily as white pellets surrounded me and began to close in. I stepped back and looked for a way out, panicking. Suddenly the white was gone. I looked up towards the flower to see what happened. A fireball appeared and knocked him straight out of the ground and out of sight. A goat like creature came out of the darkness. 

“What a terrible creature, torturing a poor, innocent youth…” the voice was feminine and motherly. Sapphire broke out laughing at ‘innocent.’ I shot her a glare. She had taken to hovering beside me once more. “Ah, do not be afraid, my child. I am Toriel, caretaker of the Ruins. I pass through everyday to see if anyone has fallen down. You’re the first human to come here in a long time.” I opened my mouth to object to the statement. I was only half human, technically. “Come! I will guide you through the catacombs.” The area returned to normal. At least I thought so. It was still dark, but I could see that the creature was wearing purple and white robes. “This way.” She began walking forward and through another archway. The emblem on her clothing matched that of above the doorway. I warily followed behind.

We entered a room with a grand staircase on the right and the left sides, curling up onto a platform. The walls were purple bricks with vines growing here and there. There was a pile of leaves at the base of the staircase. A glow caught my attention. I walked forward and crouched to see. What looked like almost a star was nestled between the leaves. I reached for it and jumped back, falling on my butt from the crouching position as a display appeared before me with text. 

*The shadow of the Ruins looms above, filling you with determination.

It switched to a display of ‘no data’ and ‘save’ or ‘cancel’ buttons. I reluctantly pressed the Save button. There was a chime and the display changed to my name, location, and level. The display closed and I warily stood.

“Well that happened,” the dark blue haired female over my shoulder chimed. “You’re getting left behind by the way.” I looked up. Toriel had moved up the stairs and waited at another doorway. I climbed up the staircase and followed her through the door. I stopped behind her when she paused, spotting 6 buttons and a switch. 

“Welcome to your new home, innocent one. Allow me to educate you in the operation of the ruins.” She walked over the middle 4 buttons and flipped the switch. The door opened. 

“The Ruins are full of puzzles, ancient fusions between diversions and doorkeys. One must solve them to move from room to room. Please adjust yourself to the sight of them.”

“‘Please adjust yourself to’... huh?” I didn’t understand what she meant by that. She walked through the doorway. I paused to take a look at the plaque on the wall by the door. 

-Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not the middle road.-

“What’s that mean?”

“Means you can’t go because you’re afraid of needles.” I shot her an annoyed look and followed Toriel into a large room. There were plenty of vines around and a sign posted off the lighter purple flooring that made a path over a couple streams.  
“To make progress here, you will need to trigger several switches. Do not worry, i have labeled the ones you need to flip.” She walked across the first wooden bridge and waits.

“Oh yeah she labeled them. You can’t miss that,” Sapphire snorted as she spoke. There was yellow arrows around the switches and some writing on the bricks beside it. I walked up to the sign and bent down to read it. 

-Press Z to read signs-

I felt my pockets. “Z on what? I dont understand.” Sapphire shrugged. 

“No clue. I’m gonna ignore it.” She floated over to the first switch. I followed close behind but detour to the silver plaque on the wall near it.

-Stay on the path-

“This stuff is giving very mixed signals… stay on the path, press the switches, which is it, man?” I peered at the yellow text and chuckled to myself. It was cute. 

-Please press this switch.  
-Toriel

I flipped it and walked over the bridge. Toriel waited at the doorway across the second bridge. I walked to the switch that was clearly marked with arrows. 

-Please press this switch, too.  
-Toriel

“Why not this one?” Sapphire pointed to the switch that was unmarked and to the right. 

“Don’t touch it, Saph.” I flipped the second switch.

“Splendid! I am proud of you, little one. Let us move to the next room.” She walked onward through the hallway. I followed behind.

“You’re not even a little curious as to what it does? What if it blows up?”

“I trust her judgement.” We headed to the next room and saw it curved to the left. A stuffed dummy was situated in front of us.

“Don't tell me…” Sapphire trails. 

“As a human living in the underground, monsters may attack you. You will need to be prepared for this situation. However, worry not! The process is simple.”

“How old does she think we are?”

“Definitely not a teenager…”

“When you encounter a monster, you will enter a fight. While you are in a fight, strike up a friendly conversation. Stall for time. I will come to resolve the conflicts. Practice talking to the dummy.”

“She can’t be serious…”

“She’s definitely serious.” Sapphire groans. 

“Can we punch it instead?”

“No.” Toriel waited at the doorway to the next room before I walked up to the dummy warily. I was expecting it to move, honestly. A flower talked, so why wouldn’t a dummy move? I got a step too close and the area went black once more. My heart necklace flickered and a display of actions appeared before me.

*You encountered the dummy.

I looked at the buttons and pressed the ‘Act’ button. It changed to display the creature options before showing the actions i could do when i selected the dummy. 

“We’re seriously talking to a dummy?”

“What else should we do?”

“Punch it.”

“No.” I selected the ‘talk’ “uhm. Hi, I’m Diamond. What’s your name?”

*You talked to the Dummy.  
*...  
*It doesnt seem much for conversation

“Duh! It’s a hecking dummy!” Saph exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.

*Toriel seems happy with you.  
*You won!  
*You earned 0 EXP and 0 Gold. 

The world returned to the purple hues. I rubbed my eyes, still getting used to the color change. 

“Ah, very good! You are very good.” She walked forward. I followed behind. The flooring had a strange lighter pattern within the magenta coloration of the floor. “There is another puzzle in this room… i wonder if you can solve it?” She walked ahead. The room dipped to the right and back up. A plaque caught my attention but i tripped over something before i reached it. The world went black and white. I peeled myself off the floor and stood up. It was a frog creature before me. 

“Oh sorry! I didn’t see you there!”

*Froggit attacks you!

The buttons displayed before me. I did the Act option. 

“What even are these?” There were three options; check, compliment, and threat. I did the compliment and looked up. “Uh. You look really nice today?”

*Froggit didn’t understand what you said, but was flattered anyway. 

Toriel came into view, also in black and white and gave the frog a stern look. It glanced over before hopping off without a second thought. 

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 0 Gold!

I finally went up to the plate and read it.

-The western room is the Eastern room’s blueprint-

“The hell does that mean?” I shrugged and walked forward after Toriel. “Oh that’s what it means. I love a good spike trap~”

“This is the puzzle, but… here, take my hand a moment.” I didn’t get to do anything before a soft pawed hand closed around mine. She began to gently tug me forward, causing me to follow behind. I was in awe of how soft her hand was. It was amazing. We stopped at the edge of the spikes, having walked over them in a pattern. “Puzzles seem a little dangerous for now.” I frowned when she let go of my hand. We headed to the next room. It was a very long room with a single white pillar at the end.  
“You have done excellently thus far, my child. However… i have a difficult request to ask of you…. i would like you to walk to the end of the room by yourself. Forgive me for this.” I didn’t get a chance to react before she took off running and darting behind the pillar. I stared at it, dumbfounded.

“She does know we could see her the whole time, right?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure…” i looked up. The music in the area abruptly changed from the soothing sound up to thus far, and went to a tense, fast paced tone, as if something would happen. It made me uneasy. I walked forward after her. The longer the music played, the more nervous i got. It trailed off when she stepped out from behind the pillar and returned to the relaxing music from before. 

“Greetings, my child. Do not worry, i did not leave you.” Sapphire looked around.

“Who here was worried, exactly?”

“I was merely behind this pillar the whole time.”

“Duh. We watched you run down the hall and hide.” Sapphire Sounded so bored with this.

“Thank you for trusting me. However, there was an important reason for this exercise… to test your independence.” Sapphire broke out laughing.

“Dude she has no idea.” I scowled at her.

“I must attend to some business, and you must stay alone for a while. Please remain here. It’s dangerous to explore by yourself. I have an idea. I will give you a cell phone.” She pulled one out of her pocket within her robes and offered it over to me. I took it. “If you need anything, just call. Be good, alright?” She disappeared around the corner. 

“How old is this phone?” Sapphire took it and looked it over. “This is like a Nokia.” I swipe it back and put it in my pocket. I sat down by the pillar. “Wait are you seriously staying here?”

“I’m a good kid.”

“Except with Father.”

“That’s different. I dont plan to go anywhere.”

“And if she never comes back?”

“She’ll come back eventually.” I waited for a while, driving Sapphire crazy before I finally got up. “Fine, we’ll go.” I walked into the next room and something rings. I pat my pockets and pulled out the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello. This is Toriel. You have not left the room, have you?”

“Yo does she have a 6th sense?” I waved for her to be quiet as I listened.

“There are a few puzzles ahead that i have yet to explain. It would be dangerous to try to solve them yourself. Be good alright?” There was a click and a dial tone.

“She hung up on you?”

“Guess so.”

“Hey another frog thing!” Sapphire pointed to the frog chilling and minding his own business by the path.

“It’s not doing anything. I’m leaving it alone.” A sparkle within the leaves ahead caught my attention. I crouched and reached out to touch the warm star.

*Playfully crinkling through the leaves fills you with determination.

It brought up the same display, changing after I pressed save. 

“Look there’s something by that frog.” I turned and took a look. There was an opening in the rock face. Behind it was a bowl in a beam of light filled to the brim with colorful wrappers. I stood up and walked over. 

-Take one- 

I respectfully only took one of the beautifully wrapped sweets, and put it in my bag.

“Come on. Who else is gonna take some?”

“It says take one. I’m taking one.” I turned and left the room, walking past the spark. Mid step, the world turned black and my heart flickered. A frog appeared in front of us.

“Kill it.”

“No.” I did as i did before, acting and complimenting.

*Froggit didn’t understand what you said, but was flattered anyway.

The frog blushed and croaked. White flies came close and stopped. 

“What the?” I yelped, far too close when it exploded. It made me drop to my knees, the necklace cracking slightly.

“Dumbass.”

“It exploded!” I stood up.

*Froggit seems reluctant to fight you.

I checked act. The tag had turned yellow. 

“I think that’s good?” I went back to mercy and pressed it. I spared the frog monster. 

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 2 gold

“These guys are skimpy on money.” I rolled my eyes and headed forward. The next room had dark purple tiles with cracks in them. There was two chutes, one on either side of the patch. “What’s with this?” Sapphire poked the floor.

“I dont know.” I stepped on it and yelped, falling through. I groaned and landed on my butt in a pile of leaves. I rubbed my head and looked up at Saph peering down into the hole. 

“You’re too fat.”

“Oh shut up.” I stood and brushed the leaves off my body. I looked at the two chutes. “How’s this work?” I crept close. It was like a vacuum and pulled me in, spitting me out on the other side of the pit. I groaned and held my head. “I’m in no condition to be tossed like a rag doll… ow.” I rubbed my bruised elbow and stood up again. I walked to the next room. My phone buzzed again. I pulled it out and answer.

“Hello?”

“Hello. This is Toriel.”

“I would be concerned if it was anyone else.” 

“Do you mind? I’m on the phone.”

“... do you prefer? Cinnamon or Butterscotch?” I scowled at Saph. I had missed some of what she said.

“Butterscotch.” 

“Oh, i see. Thank you very much!” The phone clicked. I took a singled step after putting it away and answered it. 

“Yeah?”

“Hello, this is Toriel. You do not DISLIKE cinnamon, do you? I know what your preference is, but… would you turn up your nose if you found it on your plate?”

“No, i love cinnamon.”

“SINnamon~” Sapphire grinned cheekily.

“Right, right, I understand. Thank you for being patient, by the way.” The phone clicked again. I put it away and looked around the room i was in. There was a gray rock a few paces from a pressure plate and a strip of spikes running between me and the next room. 

“Hey a sign.” Sapphire pointed to the plaque. I walked over and peer at it.

-Three out of four gray rocks recommend you push them-

“That’s oddly specific.”

“Yeah kinda.” I walked back to the gray rock and pushed it. It was pretty heavy. I heaved and use all my weight against it. “Couldn’t they make this any lighter?!” I finally got it onto the pressure plate. The spikes receded into the ground. I wiped my brow. “Hey, I’m sweating.”

“Yeah?” Sapphire was sitting on the rock. I scowled at her.

“Yeah, now get down.” She floated over and i headed to the next room. Part way across the room, i entered a fight.

*Whimsum approached meekly.

“Aw its cute~” it looked like a little fairy, moth, thing. I tapped on Act. Sapphire tries to reach and press terrorize. I smacked her hand away and hit Console. “He-“

*Halfway through your first word, Whimsum bursts into tears and runs away.

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 0 gold.

“Noooo come back!” I frowned, sad it ran off. I sighed and headed onwards. “Oh i dont like this room.” It was a room that had the falling tiles as far as i could see. I tried to peer around the corner. 

“Oops.” I yelp, shoved onto the plates. I landed on my feet and stagger some before falling on my face anyway. 

“You bitch.” I rubbed my hurt nose and got up. I looked at the floor of leaves and spotted a wall plate. I walked over and read it.

-Please dont step on the leaves-

“What does that mean?” I headed back to the chute at the start of the room and my foot landed on something squishy. I looked down, necklace flickering and the area going black. I stepped back. 

*Moldsmal blocked the way!

“Hey can you move or something?” I tried to go around but it wouldn’t let me. I sighed and did Act.

“Hey flirt with the slime!” Saph points at the option.

“No way.” I did imitate and lay down immobile with the gelatinous creature. 

*You feel like you understand the world a little better.

The creature made a squish noise. I yelp and barely avoided its attacks from my laying position. “Hey no fair!” I sighed and spared it, the tag being yellow.

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 1 gold.

I walked back to the vacuum and was dumped back on the floor above.

“Welcome back.” Sapphire was laying in the middle of the path. “Find anything?”

“Just a sign that told me to keep off the leaves.” I thought before getting an idea. “Hey there’s always leaves under where i fall.”

“And?”

“And there should be a safe path where there aren’t any.” I walked confidently forward and spotted more leaves and a sign.

-Didn’t you read the sign downstairs?-

“Damn.” I stepped off the leaves and continued my trek to the platform and to the next room. This room had three rocks. “This is gonna suck.” I shoved the first rock onto a switch, struggling. I sighed and went to do the second one when a fight occurred.

“Oh snap there’s two.” A Froggit and a Whimsum had appeared. 

“I can just spare the Whimsum already.” I spared it and it disappeared in front of me. “I think it worked?” The froggit croaks and a frog shaped attack jumped at me. I jump out of the way. 

*Froggit doesn't seem to know why it’s here.

I went into act and complimented it like the previous one, causing it to blush. It used the same attack. I avoided and spared it, earning 2 gold and no EXP. I struggled with the second rock. They were so damn heavy it took all my strength to push onto the button. I went to the third and crouch to push when it spoke. I jumped back, startled.

“Whoa there, Pardner! Who said you could push me around?”

“First flowers, now rocks? What else is gonna attack or talk to us? A mannequin?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Would you please move for me then?”

“Hmm? So you’re ASKIN’ me to move over? Okay, just for you, Pumpkin.” The rock scooted one pace towards the plate.

“Is this guy serious?”

“Sorry, but could you move a tiny bit more?”

“Hmm? You want me to move some more? Alrighty, how's this?” The rock moved one pace to the left of the button. Sapphire looked about to scream. 

“Uh sorry, but could you move that way?” I pointed to the button and walked over to it. I pointed to the spot. “Like here?”

“Hmm? That was the wrong direction? Okay, think i got it.” It moves onto the button. “Was that helpful?”

“Yes! Thank you, sir~” i went to cross the spikes when they came back out. I turned back. The rock had moved off the button. 

“Sorry but can you stay here?”

“Hmm? You want me to STAY there? Why didn’t you say so? You’re giving me a real workout here.” It settled on the button again. I warily stepped onto the receded spikes and jumped the rest of the way, half expecting them to come back out. I exhaled in relief. I walked to the next room and spotted a star fragment and a table with a slice of cheddar cheese. I activated the star first.

*Knowing the mouse might one day leave its hole and get the cheese… it fills you with determination. 

“Sapphire what are you doing?”

“Said there was a mouse, right? I’m trying to see it.” She was crouched beside the hole in the wall. I rolled my eyes and inspected the table. 

“I don’t think the mouse is getting this cheese.”

“Why not?” Sapphire stood and floated over.

“It's stuck to the table.”

“Oh. Well damn. I guess it’ll starve.” I scowled at her comment and headed to the next room. I nearly tripped over a white sheet in a pile of leaves. I only noticed it when there was a very loud snoring sound. I jumped back, startled. I crouched close.

“Excuse me?”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzz (are they gone yet?) zzzzzzz.”

“This ghost is an idiot.”

“Hush. Excuse me. I need to get past you. So if you’d just move a little-“ i reached out to touch it and a fight activated. The music wasn’t the same as the other battles. It was much more jazzy sounding as it echoed about us. 

*Here comes Napstablook.

“We’re fighting a ghost?”

“Apparently.” I checked my options for acting. Check, Threat, Flirt, and Cheer.

“Ooo lets flirt.”

“No.” I wave her off and checked the cheer option. I gave the ghost a patient smile.

“Heh…” 

“He’s crying on us?!”

“Apparently!” I narrowly avoided the flood of tear bullets from his eyes. 

*Napstablook looks just a little bit better.

I chose cheering again and came up with a ghostly joke, making it chuckle softly.

“Heh heh…” I prepared for an attack and looked down when the floor lit up at my feet.

“‘Not really feeling up to it right now. Sorry’. Wait seriously he’s not gonna attack this round?”

“Guess not.”

*Cheering seems to have improved Napstablook’s mood again.

Once more I choose to cheer. This time, the words were different.

*Napstablook wants to show you something

“Let me try…” i prepared as i saw tears fall but instead they went up and formed a cute little white top hat. “I call it ‘Dapper Blook.’ what do you think?”

“Really? *Dapper blook*?”

“Be nice to the cute child.”

*Napstablook eagerly awaits your response.

I cheered one last time.

“Oh dear…” the world returned to purple and red in coloration. He was back to laying in the leaves. “I usually come to the ruins because there’s nobody around…. but today i met someone nice… oh I’m rambling again. I’ll get out of your way.” He faded away.

“Wait dont go yet!” I frowned and sighed sadly. I wanted to hug the poor ghost. In the oddly shaped room, there was a way straight and one to the left. I went straight and found a room with a sign and two spider webs, one large and one small with adorable tents. I went up to the sign. 

-Spider bake sale. All proceeds go to real spiders.-

“Are we talking like the spiders back home or small ones?”

“No idea.” I checked the tents on the webs. The small web said “7g” while the large said “18g” i rummaged in my pocket. “I only have 7 gold.”

“Cheapskate.”

“I’m gonna save up for the big web.” I headed back out and up to the right now. I peered down the hallway. There was 3 little froggits and a sign. The sign was first. I walked up to it and read. 

-Did you miss it? Spider bake sale down and to the right. Come eat food made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!-

Sapphire stared at the sign.

“OF spiders? Ew!”

“It’s a delicacy in some places.” I stood straight and walked up to the first frog creature. It croaks.

“Sigh… my friend never listens to me. Whenever I talk, they skip through my words by pressing [x]. That’s right….. pressing X………..” There was an awkward pause and I was about to get up again from the crouch I was in. “Well, at least you listen to me.” I frowned, sad for the poor thing. 

“I’m so sorry.” I gave it a head pat and went to the second froggit. The area went black.

*Migosp crawled up close!

“Ew, it's a bug!”

“You’re not scared of it, are you, Saph?”

“N-no. Of course not. Its just ugly.” There was also a moldsmal. I immediately spare it and it vanished.

“Mmmm cha cha cha~” it bounced on its feet.

“Oh god, what’s it doing?”

“Pretty sure its dancing.”

“Kill it with fire damnit.” I spared it.

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 2 gold.

“So how do we level?”

“I dont think we’re supposed to.” I walked to the second frog and crouch. It ribbits.

“I heard using ‘F4’ can make you have a ‘Full Screen’. But what does ‘F4’ stand for? Four frogs?”

“Four fa-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” I covered her mouth before she finished the word. She pouts. I went back to listening to the tiny creature. 

“I have only seen a maximum of three frogs in this room… this is troubling, to say the least.”

“Have you ever heard of ‘F4’?” I asked Saph as i stood. She shook her head. I went to the last frog in the room.

“Ribbit. I have heard you’re quite merciful, for a human…”

“Thank you~ i try.”

“Surely you know by now a monster wears a yellow name when you can spare it. What do you think of that?”

“Its very helpful.”

“It is rather helpful. Remember, sparing is just saying you wont fight. Maybe one day you’ll have to do it even if their name isn’t yellow. Ribbit.”

“That’s not ominous at all.” Sapphire crossed her arms. I rolled my eyes and began to head forward. I yelp, toppled over when something came up from under my feet. 

*Vegitoid came out of the earth!

“Now we’re fighting veggies? Please let me kill it. I hate carrots.”

“No.” I rubbed my head and stood up. The options were new for this new monster; Check, Talk, Devour, and Dinner. I decided to talk. 

“Hey, can’t we negotiate?”

“Plants can’t talk, dummy.” White silhouettes of vegetables flew at me. I only made out a potato and a carrot. I wince, clipped by one of them. My heart blinked, undamaged for a moment by the other attacks. 

*It smells like steamed carrots and peas.

“Yeah it does. Gross.” Saph wrinkled her nose in absolute disgust.

“Hush! I’m trying to focus.” I thought about it. The only option to make sense was Dinner. I pat my stomach. Vegitoid offers a healthy meal.

“Eat your green!” Pointed carrots shot across the field at me. I gasped and nearly crumpled in pain as one hit me head on. My necklace cracked some. I looked up and spotted green. I give at it and perk, feeling some of my wounds close. 

*Vegitoid cackles softly

I stood up and checked it. The name was yellow. I spared the monster. 

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 4 Gold.

“I think i have enough for the big web, now.” I headed back to the bake sale and checked my money. “Or I only have 13.” I sighed and tossed some gold into the small web. I didn’t want to come back again. Some small spiders climbed from the darkness above and offered me a donut. I gently took it. “Thank you very much!” They disappeared again and i looked the donut over. “I can’t tell that its made of spiders.”

“There’s no legs hanging out?”

“Nope.” I put it into my bag and headed back past the third frog when my phone rang. 

“Hello? I just realized that it has been a long time since i have cleaned up I was not expecting company so soon. There are probably a lot of things lying about here and there. You can pick them up, but do not carry more than you need. Someday, you might see something you really like. You’ll want room in your pockets for that.” She hung up.

“Does she just not say goodbye or something?”

“Maybe they dont here.” I brought up the menu by fiddling a bit.

“What are you doing?”

“Seeing what i can do if i call her.”

“Hm. Hi, about yourself, call her “mom”, and—“ Sapphire bursted out laughing. “*Flirt*??”

“I think i wanna see how she reacts to mom. She reminds me of mum…” i dialed her and put it to my ear. 

“Think she has to move her dumbo ears to use the phone?”

“Hush.”

“This is Toriel.”

“Hi mom.”

“Huh? Did you just call me… “mom”? Well… I suppose… would that make you happy? To call me “mother”? Well then, call me whatever you like!” She hung up.

“Hey!” Sapphire stole the old phone and called her again.

“What’s up, hot goat momma~?

“.... huh??? Oh, heh… heh… ha ha ha! How adorable… I could just pinch your cheek! You can certainly find better than an old woman like me.” 

“Yo she just put herself down.” She handed the phone back. “I think she’s worth my love~”

“You’d bang anything.”

“Fair.” I headed to the next room and up to the plaque. 

-There is only one switch-

I looked around the open room and found 6 areas where i could fall through. “I think i have to drop down.”

“Have fun.” I yelp, kicked in to the bottom left hole. I groaned and rubbed my head. “See anything?”

“Just a ribbon.” I pick up the ribbon.

*You got the faded ribbon!

I opened up my items and selected it. I tied it into my hair and headed back up, tumbling out. I jumped down the middle hole in the row and nearly landed on the ghost from before. “Oh hey again.”

“I fell down a hole… now I can’t get up… go on without me… wait, ghosts can fly can’t they… oh well…” he faded away again. I tried to hug him before he vanished and pouted. I checked the top middle and flipped the switch. I headed past the spikes in the doorway and to the next room. I checked the plaque at my left.

-The far door is not an exit, it simply marks a rotation in perspective-

“The hell does that mean?”

“We’ll find out soon.” I passed the pillars with colored buttons beside them. I checked the sign in this room first.

-If you can read this, press the blue switch-

“How is everything in like GOOD English?”

“Dont ask me.” I looked at the room. “Oh i see. Its the same room but rotated.” I headed and pressed the blue button. There was a loud click. I headed onwards. In the doorway, a fight started.

*Loox drew near!

“Oh god its fugly!” I rolled my eyes and checked my options; Check, Pick on, and Dont pick on. “Pick on it. It deserves it.”

“Shut up.” I didn’t pick on the poor monster.

“Finally, someone gets it…” little donuts floated on and off the field. I avoided them pretty nicely.

*Smells like eye drops.

I spared it and sighed, earning 5 gold. I headed onwards, kinda getting ragged. 

-If you can read this, press the red switch-

I sought out the red switch and press it. In the doorway, i tripped over another one of the round monsters. I didn’t pick on it, taking damage this time as i backed into a corner. 

*Loox gnashes its teeth.

“Its so uggllllly.”

“I’m so glad no one else can hear you.” I spared it and picked up the gold it left behind.

“Looks like green is next.” I was knocked over on my way onwards by a Vegitoid. I grunt and got back up. There was a beetle this time, too. I used the dinner option but missed and cursed. I gripped my cracked necklace, at 4 health. The Migosp was talking about something I didn’t really understand. I opened my items and used the bandage. 

*You reapplied the bandage. Still kind of gooey, you recovered 10 HP!

The cracks in my necklace and wounds on my body closed up for the most part. I felt much better about fighting. The next time around, I managed to get the green carrot despite the rain of veggies. I spared the vegetable and the beetle simply danced, letting me spare it this time. I collected up 6 gold. 

The next room was different. There was a pathway forward and to the left, with greenery growing over the ground. I glanced to the left, deciding where to go. Ahead i saw a blackened tree and a quaint little house. I headed forward and found a froggit sitting by another doorway.

“Ribbit. Just between you and me… i saw toriel come out of here just a litttle while ago. She was carrying groceries. I didn’t know what they were for… we’re all too intimidated to talk to her… ribbit.”

“Thank you, kind frog.” I headed onto the balcony and looked around. “She came from where?”

“Hey look, a knife.” Sapphire picked up the toy knife and looked it over. “What even is your weapon at the moment?” I pulled a stick from my pocket. “No, no, no.” I force her to take it. “Use this.”

“But-“

“Use it.” I sighed and headed back to the big room. I headed towards the looming tree with leaves scattered underneath it. The music went silent. It made me shiver before i spotted the goat monster walking briskly. 

“Oh dear, that took longer than i thought it would.” She took out her phone and dialed me before spotting me in the corridor.

“How did you get here, my child? Are you hurt?” New music began playing, something I hadn’t heard before.

“A few cuts, but ill live,” i replied.

“There, there, i will heal you. I should not have left you alone for so long.” I felt my wounds close up at her touch. I teared up. She was so much like Mother… “it was irresponsible to try and surprise you like this.” Her cheeks lit up in a blush. “Err… i suppose i cannot hide it any longer. Come, small one.” She headed off to the adorable house on the other side of the tree. I rubbed away my tears and followed her. There were leaves out in front of her house. The left side caught my attention and I crouched. It was another spark.

*Seeing such a cute, tidy house in the Ruins gives you determination.

I headed up the stairs and inside. 

“Do you smell that?”

“Mmm. Cinnamon.” Sapphire had a dreamy look.

“Surprise! Its a Butterscotch-cinnamon pie. I thought we might celebrate your arrivial. I want you to have a nice time living here. So i will hold off on snail pie for tonight.”

“I’m sorry. Did she say SNAIL pie?”

“Yep.”

“Here, i have another surprise for you.” She ran off to the right. I peered down it. It was a hallway. I walked over and met her outside a room. “This is it…” i flinch when she put her large paw on my head and pet me gently. I relaxed into it. “A room of your own. I hope you like it!” She sniffed the air. “Is something burning…? Um, make yourself at home!” She hurried back the way we came and past the staircase and front door. She disappeared beyond. I shrugged and went inside. I checked around. 

“Toys… dresser… an empty dusty photo frame…” I sneezed on the dust and opened a chest. “Shoes?”

“Maybe she eats the kids that fall down here.”

“I dont think so.” I closed it and checked the room farther into the house. It was a large bedroom. I peeked at the notebook open to a page with a circled passage. “Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because it was bonely. Wow we have quite a comedian on our hands, huh?”

“Hey, she lives alone.” Sapphire snooped around the room and gasped. 

“How scandalous!”

“What??” I snapped over, worried.

“Her sock drawer.” Sapphire had a cheeky grin and closed the drawer. I scowled.

“Quit snooping. Let’s go see where she went.” I headed back out and to the stairs. I headed past and saw a bookshelf and a huge chair where she had settled with a book and glasses. 

“Hello there, little one!” She looked up when I approached. “The pie has not cooled down yet. Perhaps you should take a nap.”

“No thanks.”

“You’d rather stay up and chat with me, then? Hm, i want you to know how glad i am to have someone here.” Sapphire made a mocking talking motion with her hand as Toriel spoke. “There are so many old books i want to share. I want to show my favorite bug-hunting spot. Ive also prepared a curriculum for your education. This may come as a surprise to you… but i have always wanted to be a teacher… actually perhaps that isn’t so surprising. STILL.” She had a sour look before brightening. “I am glad to have you living here. Oh, did you need something?”

“When can i go home?”

“What? This… IS your home now. Um… would you like to hear about this book i am reading? Its called 72 Uses for Snails. How about it?”

“What’s with her and snails?”

“Sure, i guess…”

“Here is an interesting snail fact. Did you know that snails… talk. Really. Slowly? Just kidding, snails don’t talk. Interesting.”

“I guess so…”

“Well, bother me if you need anything.” I wandered back to the bedroom. Now i did want a nap. I was exhausted. I collapsed on the clean bedding, face down on the bed. 

~~~

I woke sometime later and sat up. I yawned and sniffed the air. “Hm?” I picked up the plate with a slice of pie on it. I smiled softly to myself and put the delicious dish into my bag. I wasn’t hungry at the moment. I went back to the large chair where toriel was still seated. 

“Toriel? How do i exit the Ruins?”

“... i…have to do something. Stay here.” She stood abruptly, closing the book and hurrying off. I blinked, confused by her reaction.

“What did i say?”

“No idea. I think she headed down the stairs.” I followed after and to the staircase. I headed down it. The music cut out after i reached the bottom. There was no sound beside the whooshing of wind in the corridor. 

“You wish to return “home”, do you not? Ahead of us lies the end of the ruins. A one way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs.” She hurried forward. She wouldn’t even face me.

“Toriel, wait!” I ran after and stopped behind. “Please… you don’t have to do this…”

“Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die.”

“But I’m not human!” I objected. She shook her head.

“You naive child… if you leave the ruins… they… Asgore… will kill you. I am only protecting you, do you not understand? …Go to your room.” She moved forward again, stopping at the corner. I followed.

“Toriel please…”

“Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning.” I chased her, stopping behind. She was at a large door with the same symbol engraved on it as embroidered into her robes. She sighed softly.

“You want to leave so badly? Hmph. You are just like the others. There is only one solution to this. Prove yourself… prove to me you are strong enough to survive.” she faced me. My necklace flickered and the room went monochrome. The music was upbeat, yet sad. 

“I’m not going to fight you!” I objected. This was the last thing I wanted. “Please, Toriel…”

*Toriel blocks the way

“Teach her a lesson~”

“I won’t fight her.” My only act options were to check or talk. I tried to talk to her but couldn’t think of anything to say. 

*Toriel is acting aloof.

I remembered back to the Froggit. I decided to spare her. She said nothing.

*Toriel prepares a magical attack

I mercy her again, struggling to avoid the oncoming flames. I seemed human entirely so I expected the fireballs to hurt me. I was right. I cried out and winced, holding my scorched arm. My necklace started to crack. I continued to avoid the attacks, struggling. The more damage I took, the sadder the goat monster looked. It pained her to attack me. Finally she spoke after a few rounds of only mercying.

“What are you doing?”

“I won't fight you!” I shouted, dripping blood from my wounds. My clothes were streaked with blood, burned and torn. 

“Attack or run away!”

“No!” I slammed the mercy button, struggling to avoid the fireballs. I drop to my knees after her attack, panting softly. I could barely move. My necklace was threatening to shatter.

“What are you proving this way?”

“That even while you’re attacking me… i wont hurt you. I refuse to hurt you.” 

“Fight me or leave!” I struggled to my feet.

“No.” I clutched my chest and spat out some red blood. [i am human… my blood is normal…] I avoided her flames, determined to get past her. Even if it killed me. Toriel took a deep breath.

“Stop it. Stop looking at me that way,” she commanded sternly, but her voice was wavering. I smiled weakly and shook my head. 

“I won't. I care about you too much to hurt you.”

“Go away!” She shouted. I dropped again, getting hit by another fireball. I had hit 1 HP. She went silent for a bit, her gaze softening. The flames bent around my broken body crouched on the stone floor.

“I know you want to go home… but please… go upstairs now. I promise to take good care of you.” I smiled at her. A real, genuine smile.

“I can’t.”

“I know we do not have much but… we can have a good life here. Why are you making this so difficult?”

“Because I have people waiting for me back home.”

“Please, go upstairs.” I shook my head. She smiled sadly. “Ha ha… pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child. No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The Ruins are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations… my loneliness… my fear… for you, my child... I will put them aside.” The room changed back to purple hues. I stood up, body trembling. There was a pool of dark blood under me. 

“If you truly wish to leave the Ruins, i will not stop you. However, when you leave… please do not come back.”

“Don't come back? But…” she stoops and wraps me up in a hug.

“I hope you understand…” I teared up and buried my face in her chest. I would miss her. Her touch. Her scent. Her words. “Goodbye, my child.” She let go far too soon and stepped back before walking past me and disappearing around the corner. I stared after her for some time, trying to process what happened. Only the wounds throbbing on my body brought me back to reality. I winced and warily followed after, walking in a limp. I collapsed outside the house beside the save point. There was a trail of crimson drops behind me. I reached out and cupped my fingers around the star. I crumpled in the leaves from exhaustion after my wounds healed. I lay with my face in the red beside the spark before finally getting up. I took a deep breath. 

My journey would truly begin now. There was nowhere to go but forward. The blood trail had vanished. I got up and headed back to the door. 

“Ready, Saph? This is it… the point of no return…”

“Hell yeah I am. It's about time.” I put my hand on the smooth purple stone and looked back, half expecting Toriel to appear at the end of the hallway to see me off. I wiped my eyes, sad. I heaved and pushed open the door.


	2. Chapter 2 - Snowdin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diamond is finally leaving the Ruins and embarking on the real journey. First stop, Snowdin!

The music kicked up again. I knew that sound. There he was. That killer flower. I walked up to him.

“Clever. Verrrrryyyy clever. You think you’re really smart, don’t you? In this world, it's kill or be killed. So you were able to play by your own rules. You spared the life of a single person.” I count on my fingers.

“I think it's closer to 10 people, actually.” He scowls before grinning.

“Hee hee hee… I bet you feel really great. You didn’t kill anybody this time.”

“‘This time?’” I echoed.

“But what will you do if you meet a relentless killer.” He grinned creepily. “You’ll die and you’ll die and you’ll die. Until you tire of trying.”

“We can die more than once?”

“Apparently.” I shrugged.

“Will you just let me say my lines?!” I was taken aback.

“Uh. Sorry. Continue.”

“Where was i? Oh yeah. You’ll die and you’ll die and you’ll die. Until you tire of trying. What will you do then? Will you kill out of frustration. Or will you give up entirely on this world? … and let ME inherit the power to control it. I am the prince of this world’s future. Don't worry, my little monarch, my plan isn’t regicide. This is SO much more interesting.” He cackles in the same way as when he attempted to kill us and disappears into the ground without a trace.

“Well, that happened.”

“I’m still trying to process WHAT happened.”

“Yeah i have no idea.” I walked past the patch of green and to another door. I heaved it open and flinched when there was a gust of freezing air. A squeak left me and I tucked my neck down with a shiver. “Oh god. Snow.” I paused for a moment. “It… doesn't burn?” I stepped out of the door and it slammed shut behind me.

“Well, if you're human.” My face brightened with excitement.

“I can experience snow!!” I ran forward, jumping into a snowbank off the side of the path and laughed. “Sapphire, join me!”

“No.” I made a snowball and threw it at her. It hit her in the head and she snapped around.

“Come on. You can’t even feel the cold at all.” I flopped on my back and made snow angels. I heard her grumble before she came over.

“What’s that?” I sat up and shook off the snow sticking to my hair and clothes.

“It looks like a gate of some kind.” I got up and brushed off before going to investigate it. I walked over a branch in the middle of the path. A few paces forward and I heard a ‘SNAP’. It sent chills through me. I turned and my blood went cold. “That branch wasn’t broken…” I glanced around. The area was empty. Only snow. I warily continued forward. I felt the hair on my neck stand up. I got to the gate and looked up at it. I was going to head through but I was frozen in place. I started to panic.

“What are you doing?”

“I-i can't move!” I squeaked and stiffen, hearing snow crunch under someone’s feet. It got closer and closer. “What’s happening??”

“All I see is a shadow.”

“HUMAN.” I whimpered softly. This was the end. I could feel it. “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO GREET A NEW PAL? TURN AROUND AND SHAKE MY HAND.” i panicked more when my body moved on its own, turning to face the dark figure. They offer their hand. My hand moved forward and took theirs. The shadow cleared as there was the sound of a balloon deflating. The music took a jazzy, quirky tone. Only now did i realize there had been no sound up until now. I was trying to figure out what this was. “Hehehe… the old whoopie cushion in the hard trick. It’s ALWAYS funny.” Now that I had recovered from the terror of having been unable to move, i laughed. He grinned. “Anyways, you're a human, right? That’s hilarious.” His voice was pretty laid back.

“No one seems to realize you're only half human.”

“I’m Sans. Sans the skeleton.I’m actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now. But… y’know… I don't really care about capturing anybody. Now my brother, Papyrus. He's a human-hunting FANATIC.”

“Are you kidding? Their names are fonts?”

“Huh?”

“Comic sans? Papyrus? Never mind.”

Hey, actually, i think that’s him over there.” I looked ahead. I saw a vague red and white shape way out there. “I have an idea. Go through this gate thingy. Yeah, go right through. My bro made the bars too wide to stop anyone.”

“His brother sounds like a dumbass.” Sapphire crossed her arms. I headed through, swearing I caught a glimpse of Sans’ eye turning blue.

“Quick, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp.” I step ‘behind’ it. Sapphire peeks around me.

“Think he realizes we’re not hidden at all?”

“Maybe?” A taller skeleton came into view and the music got louder and more intense.

“Sup, bro.”

“You know what’s ‘sup,’ brother! It's been eight days and you still haven’t… recalibrated. Your. Puzzles. You just hang around outside your station. What are you even doing?!?” The larger skeleton had a sharper, more serious tone compared to his brother.

“Staring at this lamp. It's really cool. Do you wanna look?”

“No!! I don't have time for that!!” He stomps his foot. “What if a human comes through here!?! I want to be ready!!! I will be the one! I must be the one! i will capture a human!” He poses with a hand on his chest and the other on his hip bone, cape flapping in the gentle breeze. “Then, i, The Great Papyrus… will get all the things i utterly deserve. Respect… recognition… I will finally be able to join the royal guard. People will ask, to, by my, “friend?” I will bathe in a shower of kisses every morning.”

“Wow. He has a massive ego.”

“I think it's adorable.”

“Hmm… maybe this lamp will help you.”

“Sans!! You are not helping!! You lazybones!! All you do is sit and boondoggle!”

“What’s a boondoggle?” I shrugged.

“I assume it’s doing nothing.”

“You get lazier and lazier every day!!!”

“Hey. Take it easy. I've gotten a ton of work done. A skele-ton.” There was a ‘buh dum tsss’ and he looked off in the opposite direction of us.

“What’s he looking at?”

“I can't tell from here.”

“Sans!!!” The taller skeleton stomped his foot again in frustration.

“Come on. You’re smiling.”

“I am and i hate it! Sigh… why does someone as great as me…. have to do so much just to get some recognition?”

“BECAUSE YOU SUCK!” I yank Saph back down behind the lamp.

“Wow, sounds like you're working yourself… down to the bone.” There was the same sound.

“Seriously what the hell is he looking at?”

“I told you, I can’t tell.”

“UGH!!! I will attend to my puzzles… as for your work? Put a little more, backbone into it!!!! Nyeheheheheh!!!” He ran off behind the tree line before stepping back into view. “Heh!” He disappeared again.

“Okay, you can come out now.” I stepped out from behind the lamp. “You oughta get going. He might come back. And if he does… you’ll have to sit through more of my hilarious jokes.”

“BOO!” I grabbed her by the ear and dragged her off.

“Actually, hey…” I turned to look at him again.

“Yeah?”

“Hate do bother ya, but can you do me a favor? I was thinking… my brother’s been kinda down lately… he's never seen a human before. And seeing you might just make his day.”

“We were in FULL view of the idiot!” Sapphire motions after where Papyrus went.

“Don't worry, he's not dangerous. Even if he tries to be. Thanks a million. I'll be up ahead.” He walked back the way we came.

“Hey but ahead is-?” I blinked and he was gone. I looked around. “Where’d he go?” The music became soft, almost lullaby like.

“No clue. I don't care.” I sighed and headed forward. I spotted a star in the snow and bent down to touch it.

*The convenience of that lamp still fills you with determination.

I saved and stood up. I spotted a chest and walked over. I peer at the signage beside it.

-This is a box. You can put an item in or take an item out. The same box will appear later so don't worry about coming back. Sincerely, a box lover.-

“Huh. So it's like an Ender Chest.”

“Looks like.” I opened the chest and pulled out a glove.

“Keep the knife.”

“Maybe it has extra things.” I put the glove on and punch the air. “I guess this works.”

“Planning to fight?”

“Hardly.” I headed upwards when I encountered a fight.

*Snowdrake flutters forward.

Sapphire bursts out laughing.

“I get it! Snow flake. Snow drake? That’s awesome.”

I checked my options and chose to act. I told a bad ice pun.

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“Yeah it was…” I sulked. My joke was unappreciated. I yelped and narrowly avoided the spinning scythes of snow white.

*Snowdrake is practicing its next pun.

“‘Chill’ out.” I chuckled to myself and avoided the scythes once more.

*Snowdrake is realizing its own name is a pun and is freaking out.

“About time.” I laughed as my turn. Its face brightened.

“See! Laughs! Dad was wrong!” I grunt and took an attack head on.

“Ow.”

*Snowdrake is pleased with its “cool” joke.

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 12 gold.

“I think these monsters are getting harder and harder to avoid…” I headed the way I was going before the fight, finding a river. “Who’s fishing?” There was a pole bolted to the ground. I reel it in and made a face at the strange looking monster.

*Call me! Here’s my number!*

“Hell no.” I put the line back in the water and headed back down, saving again as I spotted the brothers ahead. I walked over to them, passing a rock in the middle of the path. I stopped and waved to them. “Hi.”

“So, as i was saying about Undyne.” The red skeleton looked up at me then to Sans. They switched off who was looking my direction and who was looking at the other, getting faster and faster until they were doing spins and faced me then each other.

“Is this a mating dance or something?”

“Sans!!! Oh my god!! Is that… a human?!?!?!!?”

“Uhhhh… actually i think that’s a rock.”

“Oh.”

“I mean technically he's not wrong. We’re both rocks.”

“Hush, Saph.”

“Hey, what’s that in front of the rock?”

“Oh my god!!!” He lowers his voice to whisper. “Is… is that a human?”

“Yes,” his brother whispers back.

“Oh my god!!! Sans! I finally did it!! Undyne will… I’m gonna… i'll be so… popular!!! Popular!!! Popular!!! …” he clears his nonexistent throat. “Human! You shall not pass this area! I, The Great Papyrus, will stop you!!!”

“Yeah, I doubt it,” my other half said, crossing her arms.

“I will then capture you! You will be delivered to the capital! Then… then!! I’m not sure what’s next. In any case! Continue… only if you dare!!! Nyeh heh heh heh heh!!!” He ran out of view once more.

“Well, that went well. Don't sweat it, kid. I'll keep an eyesocket out for ya.” He followed after his brother at a leisurely pace. I watched them go and sighed, breath coming out as white puffs. I started to follow when I smacked into a huge icicle.

*Icecap struts into view.

“Why can i steal?” I compliment. It puffs out proudly. “Hey!” I tried my best to avoid the canons of sharp icicles.

*Here comes that new clothes smell.

I sighed and decided to ignore. I looked away from the hat. It looked annoyed.

“Hey! My hat’s over here!” I jumped and narrowly avoided the wave of sharp needles on either side of me. I continued not looking.

“Okay! I'll ignore you too!”

“He's still attacking, though.” Sapphire watched me jumping around like an idiot with amusement.

*Icecap is desperate for attention.

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 13 gold.

“All this money would’ve been great awhile ago.”

“Quit complaining.” I walked up to the cardboard fort, sagging under the cold dampness and weight of the snow on its roof.

-You observe the well-crafted sentry station. Who could have built this, you ponder… I bet it was that very famous royal guardsman! (Note: not yet a very famous royal guardsman.)-

I chuckled to myself. I had to admire him and his goals. I followed the path and found another sentry station, made of wood this time. There was a sign near it, on my left.

-Absolutely NO MOVING!!!-

“Really?”

“Guess so.” I walked to the station and was forcibly stopped. A white and black dog peeks out from behind the counter.

“Did something move? Was it my imagination? I can only see moving things. If something WAS moving… like a human… i'll make sure it NEVER moves again!” My necklace flickers and the world turns black.

*Doggo blocks the way.

I tried to pet it but couldn’t. I stiffen, seeing a light blue sword swiping at me. I stayed still.

“Don’t move an inch!”

“No moving…” it passed by me without hurting me. I pat down my body. “I wasn’t hit!” I laughed. “Hah!”

*Doggo can’t seem to find anything.

I pet it, this time being able to. I scratched behind its ears. Its fur puffed up.

“What!!! I've been pet!!! PET? POT? PAT? PET?”

*You won! You earned 0 EXP and 30 gold.

“S-s-something pet me… something that isn’t m-m-moving… I’m gonna need some dog treats for this!” The dog disappeared behind the counter again.

“The f*** was that?” Sapphire blinks. “Bruh i can't say f***? Bitch is fine but not f***?” Beeps blocked out the rest of the word.

“Seems so.” I walked onwards, spotting sans hanging out by some ice. I walked up to him. “Hey.”

“Hey, here’s something important to remember. My brother has a very special attack. If you see a blue attack, don't move and it wont hurt you.”

“We know.” I elbow her.

“Here’s an easy way to keep it in mind. Imagine a stop sign. When you see a stop sign, you stop, right? Stop signs are red.”

“What are you doing?” I looked at sapphire. She was doodling on some ghostly paper she had somehow?

“Drawing.”

“So imagine a blue stop sign instead. Simple, right? When fighting, think about blue stop signs.” Sapphire shows off her half assed drawing of a blue stop sign.

“Perfect.” I face palm.

“Thanks.” I headed on to the ice and yelped, slipping and landing on my back. I groan. “Owie…”

“You’re not supposed to slip, dumbass.” She slid across the ice like an elegant figure skater.

“You’re cheating since you CAN'T slip.”

“Hey, we’re talking about you, not me.” I rolled my eyes and stood up in the clear patch with a sign in the middle of the ice.

-North: ice  
South: ice  
West: ice  
East: Snowdin town (... and ice)-

“Looks like we’re headed east.”

“Yo look. A snowman.” Sapphire pointed past the sign. She was right. Between the trees was a snowman beside the river. I looked at the ice, trying to think of how to pass without slipping. I snap my fingers and penguin slide across. I stood up.  
“That was surprisingly effective.” I headed between the trees but was stopped by a fight.

*Lesser Dog appears.

“Oh no it’s adorable!!” I squealed at the dog in armor with a sword. I had checked or all pets as options. I chose to pet. I barely lifted my hand and its tail started to wag.

*Lesser Dog is barking excitedly.

I lightly touched the fur on its head. It was already over-excited. Unfortunately I had to dodge a barking dog each round. I had to recover health. I unwrapped the colorful candy and popped it in my mouth. I hummed contently at the licorice taste and felt my wounds close. I petted the dog. It raised its head to meet my hand.

“Diamond its neck is getting longer I’m scared help.” I pet the dog. It was a good dog. It made excited noises.

*Lesser Dog is overstimulated.

I pet it over and over. Its excitement knows no bounds! Its neck got longer and longer.

*Critical pet! Dog excitement increased!

It made a sound like a motor revving. I had to jump to pet it. I couldn’t keep petting it. It was too far up, yet it still gets more and more excited. There was a plane takeoff sound.

*Lesser Dog shows no signs of stopping.

I kept trying to pet it.

*There is no way to stop this madness.

“It's so far gone it's not even attacking anymore.” Sapphire was so uncomfortable. There was a kettle whistling sound.

*Lesser Dog enter the realm of the clouds.

I called out to it, but it was too late. It couldn’t hear me. There was a distant bark.

“Oh god it's coming back down.” I looked up. Its neck had twisted to the side and it was descending. Finally I could reach it and pet it again. Its neck kept getting longer and longer. I kept petting it. The text remained the same for a while before it called me out.

*It is possible you may have a problem.

“I refuse to stop petting!”

It kept lowering, disappearing behind my buttons. I couldn’t pet it but it appreciated the attempts I made. It started whining because it couldn’t see me anymore. Finally it appears again.

*Perhaps mankind was not meant to pet this much.

It continued.

*Lesser Dog is questioning your choices.

Its tail was wagging wildly back and forth.

*Lesser Dog has gone where no dog has gone before.

Finally I stopped when it was beyond my reach. I earned 60 gold and the tiny dog disappeared. Sapphire looked about to faint. The madness of the petting was far too much for her.

“Oh stop being a drama queen.” I walked over to the snowman. “Hello~”

“Hello. I am a snowman. I want to see the world but i can't move. If you would be so kind, traveler, please… take a piece of me and bring it very far away.” I stooped down and took a chunk from it.

“Now let's eat it in front of him.”

“Hell no!”

“Thank you… good luck!” I put it in my bag and headed back down and to the left of where I was now. I encountered an Icecap again.

“Kill it.”

“No.” I acted and spared it before heading onwards, coming across the skeleton brothers once more. There was a large open patch before me. The music turned to what I had assumed was Papyrus’ theme.

“You’re so lazy!! You were napping all night!!”

“I think that’s called… sleeping.”

“Excuses, excuses! Oh-ho! The human arrives! In order to stop you… my brother and I have created puzzles! I think you’ll find this one… quite shocking!!!” He grinned cheekily at his joke. Sapphire face palmed. “For you see, this is the invisible… electricity maze!!! When you touch the walls of the maze, this orb will administer a hearty zap! Sound like fun???”

“Yeah actually.”

“He's holding the orb though…”

“Hush.”

“Because the amount of fun you will probably have, is actually rather small i think. Ok, you can go ahead now.” I took a few steps and he was electrocuted. He stomps his foot.

“Sans!!! What did you do?!?!”

“I think the human has to hold the orb.”

“Oh, ok.” He walks through the snow, leaving footprints in the powder of where to step safely. “Hold this, please!” He threw it in the air and somehow it landed on my head. It balanced against my cowlick. He ran back to Sans’ side. “Ok. Try now!” I followed the footprints, arms out to keep my balance as I kept the orb on my head.

“Hes a f***ing idiot.”

“Sapphire shut up.”

“Incredible!! you slippery snail!! You solved it so easily…” he squinted his eye sockets at me. “Too easily! However!! The next puzzle will not be easy! It is designed by my brother, Sans!”

“Then we don't have to worry.”

“You will surely be confounded! I know I am! Nyeh heh heh heh!!” He slides backwards out of view.

“Hey, thanks… My brother seems like he’s having fun. By the way, did you see that weird outfit he's wearing? We made that a few weeks ago for a costume party. He hasn’t worn anything else since… keeps calling it his “Battle Body.” Man, isn’t my brother cool?”

“No. He's the opposite of cool.” I swore I spotted Sans’ eye change again. I figured it was just the lighting and headed forward. There was a blue bunny-like monster beside a cart. He looked depressed.

“I don’t understand why these aren’t selling… it's the perfect weather for something cold… oh!!!” His ears went up when he spotted me. “A customer!!! Hello! Would you like some nice cream? It's the frozen treat that warms your heart! Now just 15g!” I pat my pockets and pull out some gold. I offered it over and got a popsicle in return. “Have a super duper day!” I waved and headed onward, putting the ice cream in my bag. I was very excited to try it. I was never able to have ice cream before. I headed across a bridge and past a golf hole. I’d come back later. I encountered the brothers in a cleared area with a sheet of paper on the ground.

“Human!!! I hope you're ready for… Sans!! Where the puzzle!!”

“It's right there. On the ground. Trust me. There’s no way they can get past this one.” I walked over and picked up the sheet of paper. Sapphire peeks over my shoulder.

“Ew. Word search?”

“Guess so.” I put it back down and walked past. I didn’t have a pencil so I couldn’t do it.

“Sans!!! That didn’t do anything!”

“Whoops. I knew I should’ve used today's crossword instead.”

“What!? Crossword!? I can't believe you said that!! In my opinion… Junior Jumble is easily the hardest.”

“What? Really, dude? That easy-peasy scramble? That’s for baby bones!”

“Un. Believable. Human!!! Solve this dispute!” I point to myself.

“Me?”

“No, the other human here.”

“You mean you?”

“Technically, I’m you, sooooo.”

“Junior Jumble is harder.” I liked doing both, honestly. They were both easy.

“Ha! Ha! Yes! Humans must be very intelligent! If they also find Junior Jumble so difficult!”

“Actually it's because of how the brain works and-“

“NYEH HEH HEH!!” He ran off. I sighed and sulked.

“Why does no one listen when I correct them?”

“Because you suck.”

“Thanks for saying “Junior Jumble” just to appease my brother. Yesterday he got stumped trying to “solve” the horoscope.” Sapphire bursts out in cackles.

“Right…” i headed on, seeing a table and a Microwave, and, more importantly, a save point. I activated the spark on the ground.

*Knowing the mouse might one day find a way to heat up the spaghetti… it fills you with determination.

“What’s with the determination anyway?”

“That’s a good question… seems this world revolves around it.”

“But why?” I shrug in response. I pick up the note on the table. It was in Papyrus’ handwriting.

-Human!! Please enjoy this spaghetti. (Little do you know this spaghetti is a trap… designed to entice you!!! You’ll be so busy eating it… that you wont realize that you aren’t progressing!!) thoroughly japed by The Great Papyrus!!! Nyeh heh heh, Papyrus.-

“I love a good trap.”

“This is rated T, not M.” She huffed.

“Explains why I can’t say f***.” I check the plate. It was frozen to the table. The microwave beside it was unplugged and only read “spaghetti.” “A skeleton obsessed with spaghetti. That’s new.” I headed to the next area. There were some straight and some down. I headed up to the sign.

-Warning: Dog Marriage-

“Dog marriage?”

“Seems so. Oh there’s spikes.” I headed over to the spikes and my necklace flickers. I looked up. “Three?”

*Icecap and Snowdrake confront you, sighing. Jerry.

“Ewww it's ugly.” sapphire pokes jerry and makes a face. It was gross.

“Why is my only option to ditch?”

“Do it. It deserves it.” I sighed and chose that option. We ditched Jerry when it looked away.

“What kind of attacks are these?!” I had to avoid needle points and scythes. I groaned, gripping my chest. “Ow.” I got rid of Snowdrake first.

*Return of Jerry.

“Oh god he's back!” I got rid of Icecap.

“I’m just glad Jerry doesn't attack…” I did the ditch option again and gathered 25 gold. I walked over the loose powdery snow and looked down as it was knocked out of the way. “What’s this?”

“Looks like a map.” I observed it and headed back up, heading to the darker patch between trees. I brushed the snow out of the way and pulled the lever. “Hey it worked!” Sapphire shouted from the map. I stopped to save and recover health before I headed back down.

*Icecap appears. Jerry came too.

I did Icecap’s options, ignoring his hat.

“Oh god please kill it. He just sneezed and didn’t cover its nose.”

“You do the same.”

*Jerry tells everyone it has to go to the bathroom.

I ditch it and won, earning a shiny 13 gold. I saved once more, having taken some damage. I headed across the spikes and onto another area. I was stopped by a barrier and two executioner dogs came forward, hoods covering their faces.

“What’s that smell?

“Where's that smell?”

“Of youre a smell…”

“Identify yoursmelf!” The music changed to sounding like someone plucking a bass string as they bounced around and stopped beside me.

“Hm… here’s that weird smell… it makes me want to eliminate…”

“...Eliminate you!” My necklace flickers and the white area turns black instead. Two dogs were in front of me. Their movement was nuzzling. A little heart came from them.

*Dogi assault you!

“I think it's pet… since all the other dogs were pet.” I check that option.

*The dogs are too suspicious of your smell.

“Are you kidding?!” I narrowly avoided massive axes. I cry out, one of the axes clipping my shoulder. I grip my bleeding shoulder. The dogs kept shifting their axes to protect each other the best possible. I try re-sniff. They got up close and sniffed at my body.

*The dogs sniff you again… but you smell just as weird as before!

I covered my head with my arms and ran around like a headless chicken to avoid the axes. “Aaaaaaaaa!” Meanwhile the dogs were saying sickly sweet things to one another. I unwrapped the nice cream and sucked on it. It was delicious. “Mmmm~” i felt all my wounds disappear. Inside the wrapper it said: Have a wonderful day! The dogs were busy practicing for the next couples contest while I ate it. The attack was unfortunately the same as before, but i was getting the hang of it. “Now what?”

“Attack.”

“No.” I sighed and rolled around in the dirt and snow, mostly snow thankfully.

*You smell like a weird puppy.

“Let’s kick human tail!”

“Do humans have tails?”

“No, unless you're a furry.”

“Not helping saph!” The attack changed. There were two little white dogs on either side of me. One sent little hearts to the other, blue and white. I moved away from the white and stayed still for the blue. This was much easier to avoid.

*The dogs may want to resmell you.

The dogs sniffed me again. They perked up.

“Are you really…”

“...A lost puppy?”

“Yes! I’m a lost puppy! Now stop attacking!” I avoided the hearts of death. I pet both of their heads, they looked amazed. I won 40 gold for my pain.

“Dogs can pet other dogs???”

“A new world has opened up for us…”

“Thanks, weird puppy!” They both headed the way I was going and disappeared behind the tree line. I brushed off the mud from my shirt.

“Gross…” I stopped to save and healed my wounds before heading forward. There were blue Xs on the ground. I checked the sign to the left. “X into an O… that’s easy.” I stepped over the Xs, making them Os and stood on the button, I waved to Papyrus, who was ahead. At the sound of the receding spikes, he turned.

“What?! How did you avoid my trap? And, more importantly… is there any left for me???”

“What’s he talking about?”

“I think the spaghetti.”

“The plate that was frozen to the table?”

“Yeah. Uhm. I left it.”

“Really!? Wowie… you resisted the flavor of my home cooked pasta… just so you could share it with me??? Fret not, human! I, master chef Papyrus… will make you all the pasta you could ever want! Heh heh heh nyeh!” He ran to the next puzzle. I followed after him.

“Sooo… what’s up?”

“My brother started a sock collection recently. How saddening… sometimes i wonder what he would do… without such a cool guy like me taking care of him???” He puffed out his chest and posed proudly. I chuckled and headed to the puzzle when he spoke again. “Human! Hmmm… how do i say this? You were taking a long time to arrive, so… I decided to improve this puzzle… by arranging the snow to look like my face. Unfortunately, the snow froze to the ground.”

“Seems like that’s a common problem here.” I wave her off to make her hush.

“Now the solution is different! And, as usual, my lazy brother is nowhere around. I suppose what I’m saying is… worry not, human! I, The Great Papyrus, will solve this conundrum! Then we can both proceed! Meanwhile, feel free to try the puzzle for yourself.”

“Alright.” I looked the puzzle over from a few different sides before trying it. I press the button.

“Wow!! You solved it!! And you did it all without my help… incredible! I’m impressed!! You must care for puzzles like I do! Well, I’m sure you’ll love the next puzzle then! It might even be too easy for you! Nyeh heh heh! Heheheheheh!!!” He ran into the distance. I walked after, finding Sans chilling nearby.

“Good job on solving it so quickly. You didn’t even need my help. Which is great, ‘cause i love doing absolutely nothing.”

“Riiight…” I walked past him and stopped by some colorful tiles. I blinked and looked back behind us, then forward.

“Uh how did he get past us?”

“I dont know…”

“Hey!” Papyrus waved from across the tiles. “It's the human! You’re gonna love this puzzle! It was made by the great Dr. Alphys! You see these tiles!? Once i throw this switch… they will begin to change color! Each color has a different function. Red tiles are impassable! You can't walk on them! Yellow tiles are electric! They will electrocute you! Green tiles are alarm tiles! If you step on them… you’ll have to fight a monster! Orange tiles are orange-scented. They will make you smell delicious! Blue tiles are water tiles. Swim through if you’d like but… if you smell like oranges! The piranhas will bite you! Also, if a blue tile is next to a yellow tile, the water will also zap you! Purple times are slippery! You will slide into the next tile! However, the slippery soap… smells like lemons!! Which the piranhas do not like! Purple and blue tiles are ok! Finally, pink tiles. They don't do anything. Step on them all you’d like. How is that!? Understand???”

“What? I tuned out half way through.”

“Good thing I was listening then… i got it!”

“Great! Then there's one last thing… this puzzle… is entirely random!!!!!! When i pull this switch, it will make a puzzle… that has never been seen before! Not even I will know the solution! Nyeh heh heh! Get ready…!” I prepared myself as the colors started to shuffle colors. Faster and faster.

“Jeez. Glad I’m not epileptic..”

“Me too.” The colors finally stopped. There was a strip of pink through red. There was no other color. Sapphire bursts out laughing hysterically. Papyrus took one look at the puzzle before casually spinning backwards and out of view. Sans watched him go and just waited. I started walking, ignoring sapphires crazy laughter.

“Actually, that spaghetti from earlier… it wasn’t too bad for my brother. Since he started cooking lessons, he's been improving a lot. I bet if he keeps it up, next year he’ll even make something edible.”

“I hope so. I’m rooting for him~” i stopped at the next area, staring at all the twisted and massive dog sculptures with long necks. “Oh my god.”

“Someone is bat shit crazy here.” I went up to the spark in the snow.

*Knowing that Dog will never give up trying to make the perfect snow dog… it fills you with determination.

I saved and checked the building and sign beside it.

-Aware of dog. Pleas pet dog.-

“They spelled please wrong…”

“Yep.” I shook my head and went up to a gazelle looking creature.

“A dog just rushed in here, filled with inspiration. It kept trying to build a snowdog that expressed its own emotions… but, as it built, it kept getting more excited about the sculpture… its neck got longer and longer, and it added more and more snow, until… it was rather sad to watch, but I couldn’t turn away.”

“Bet it was that long dog you kept petting.”

“Oops…” I headed on and went up to a snow bank. I flopped in it. “Snow poff.” I lay in each of the snow poffs. The last one, I heard a cling. I dug in the snow. “What? There's 30 gold in here.” I looked around and pocketed it. I didn’t see anyone around. I nearly tripped over a snow poff when a tiny white dog head poked out. It barks. “Aw aren’t you cutie~” i pet it before it stood up and I stepped back, falling on my butt. “A cute massive dog in armor…” my necklace flickers and I enter a fight. I stood up and checked my options. “Check, pet, beckon, play, ignore.” I tried to pet it before realizing it was too far away to pet. I yelped and avoided the barks it sent at me. “Its words are deadly!”

*Greater Dog is watching you intently.

I beckon it over. It bounds my way, flicking slobber in my face. I groan and wipe the slobber off. “Gross.” I gave it pets, scratching behind its ear. It curls up in my lap as it leans into the love I gave it. It fell asleep, snoring for a moment before waking up. It jumps up, super excited. I chuckled and stood up. It pawed the ground. I made a snowball and threw it for it to fetch. The snow splatted. Instead of getting upset, it brings all the snow in the area to me. “Oh.” It started to look tired. It rests its head on me. I sat down, patting my lap. I pet the dog. It sank its entire weight into me. “Oh god it's heavy.” I grunted, fighting to not be crushed under the metal and fur. I pet it as my movements slowed down.

*Pet capacity is 40-percent.

I pet it again, getting all its favorite spots. It flops over, legs hanging in the air. I spared it and got 40 gold. The fight closes and the dog hops out of its armor. It was just a tiny dog. It licks my cheek. I laughed. It hops back in and walks off, its butt still in the air as it leaves. “That was pretty nice.” I rubbed my sore thighs. “Except being nearly crushed…” I went back and saved. I had taken some damage. I headed off and across a bridge before being forcefully stopped.

“Human! This is your final and most dangerous challenge! Behold! The gauntlet of deadly terror!” Massive weapons descended from nowhere.

“Is that a dog on a rope?”

“Indeed it is. I have many questions…”

“When i say the word, it will fully activate!!! Canons will fire! Spikes will swing! Blades will slice! Each part will swing violently up and down!”

“Hold up. I think that dog is holding a CD player.” She was squinting.

“Shut up, saph. I wanna hear his lines.”

“Only the tiniest chance of victory will remain!!! Are you ready!? Because! I! Am! About! To do it!” Time passed.

“I’m like 90% sure that dog has a CD player.”

“Well? What’s the hold up?”

“Hold up!? What hold up!? I’m… I’m about to activate it now!”

“Okay that dog DEFINITELY has a CD player.”

“That, uh, doesn't look very activated.”

“Well!!! This challenge!!! it seems… maybe… too easy to defeat the human with. Yeah! We cant use this one!!! I am a skeleton with standards!!! My puzzles are very fair! My traps are expertly cooked! But this method is too direct! No class at all! Away it goes!” The weapons vanished once more into the void. He turns away. “Phew!” He turns back. “What are you looking at?! This was another decisive victory for Papyrus!! Nyeh!! Heh!! … heh???” He ran out of view.

“That was definitely a thing… where’d the weapons go? I wanted to see you avoid that.” I finished crossing the massive bridge.

“I don't know what my brother’s gonna do now. If i were you, i would make sure i understand blue attacks.” I gave a thumbs up and headed into the town.

*The sight of such a friendly town fills you with determination.

I dropped everything into the box and checked the left building that was labeled shop.

“Hello, traveler. How can i help you?” I picked up a manly bandanna. It had abs drawn on it. As well as 4 cinnamon bunnies. I waved a thanks and check the inn. I was exhausted. I hand over 80 gold and headed to my room, face planting on the pillow and passing out. When i woke, it had been 2 minutes but i felt like a whole new person. The inn keep gave me the money back since I didn't stay the night. I decided to check around town before progressing.

There was an igloo just outside the inn. I looked at the sign beside it.

-don’t want to walk to the other side of town? Use the undersnow tunnels! They’re efficiently laid out.-

“Maybe later…” I walked up to a bunny-like monster standing in front of a house.

“That lady over there… something about her disturbs me.” I looked to where they were looking. There was another bunny. It appeared female. She was Holding a leash and there was a tiny bunny in the snow. I walked up to her and she immediately spoke when i got close, sounding excited and proud.

“Isn’t my little cinnamon the cutest? Bun-buns are so adorable… tee hee!”

“Isn’t that what the food you bought called? Cinnabun?”

“Yep… makes me wonder if its real or not.” I walked deeper into town, coming across a large evergreen decorated with lights and ornaments.

“Is it Christmas here?”

“Seems like it.” I crouched beside the blue gray bear creature putting a colorfully wrapped box underneath the tree amongst other wrapped boxes.

“Awful teens tormented a local monster by decorating its tree-like horns. So we started giving that monster presents to make it feel better. Now it's tradition to put presents underneath a decorated tree.”

“That’s really cool, actually.” I stood up and wandered to a nearby building. “‘Grillby’s.’ wonder what kind of place it is.” I peer in the window.

“Looks like a bar.”

“This town doesnt have a mayor,” i glanced over. Another bear, brown this time, spoke, leaning on the building. “But if there's ever a problem, a skeleton will tell a fish lady about it. Thaaaaaaaaats’ politics!”

“You guys have strange politics.”

“Agreed, but they are monsters.” I opened the door to the bar-like establishment. “Its Sans’ music.” It was jazzy and laid back sounding. I looked around.

“Ew. They’re ugly.”

“Hey look. The dogs.” I walked up to the executioner dogs. “Hello!”

“You better watch where you sit down in here, kid.” The male like one said.

“Uhm, why?”

“Because that big guy WILL jump into your lap and give you lots of love and attention.”

“Oh. I can live with that.”

“We’re senturies but we never get any respect. I wish those skeletons would throw us a bone. We love bones.”

“Right. Because you're dogs.” I walked up to the spotted dog who hated moving objects. He perked up like a mercat.

“I’m thinking of getting a spiked collar to show off my personality. It makes a statement like… “attach a leash to me and take me for a walk, please.”

“That’s surprisingly wholesome.” I warily approached greater dog and tapped its armor. It makes a silly ‘sproing’ noise and makes a silly face. “Okay then…” i headed to lesser dog. He sat away from the other dogs at a higher table. A bowl of kibble and a deck of cards was on the table.

“Is it… losing poker against itself?”

“That’s what it looks like.”

“What a dumbass.”

I rolled my eyes and went up to the pair of monsters at the bar. A fish and a bird.

“I “put out a line” for some girls today.”

“Oh I recognize him from the rod.”

“He’s just as ugly as his photo.”

“Someone told me there's plenty of fish in the sea… well, I’m taking that seriously. I’m literally gonna make out with a fish.”

“Isn’t he a fish?”

“I think so… smells like one.”

“Those dogs are part of the royal guard, the elite military group led by Undyne. She’s rude, loud, and beats up everybody who gets in her way…”

“Hey she sounds like you.”

“Shut up.”

“It's no wonder all the kids want to be like her when they grow up!”

“That doesnt sound like it’ll end well.”

“It’ll end in bloodshed. That’s enough for me.” I rolled my eyes and walked up to the flaming monster behind the counter who was cleaning a glass.

“Hello there!”

“He reminds me of a blaze back home.”

“....”

“Grillby said that he’d offer you a glass of water, but he doesn't touch the stuff.” The bird I just spoke to said.

“Ah. Because you're fire. I understand. I don't mind~” i waved and checked the punk looking monster beside a jukebox.

“The capital’s getting pretty crowded, so I’ve heard they’re going to start moving here. Hmmm… i don't want to see the erasure of our local culture. But i definitely want to see some city slickers slip onto their butts!” Both of us chuckled a bit.

“Yeah. I get that. Thanks for talking with me.” I waved and headed to the creature with the big mouth in the first booth seat. “Hello.”

“Hmmm… isn’t human food different from monster food? It does things like “spoil.” And when you eat it, it passes all the way through your whole body. Disgusting. I’d love to try it sometime.”

“It does. Well depending on what you have.”

“I dont think they’re counting Nether food.”

“Oh…” I wandered to the yellow bunny with its head on the table and swirly eyes. “Are you okay?”

“No matter where i go, it's the same menu, the same people… i want new drinks an’ h-h-hot guys!!!!”

“Pretty sure it's drunk.”

“Yeah, i think so too. I'll just leave it be.” I ducked back into the cold outside, a shiver running through me. I walked past the building and up to a mouse with a long scarf wrapped around its head. It was beside a jester looking monster.

“Everyone is always laughing and cracking jokes, trying to forget our modern crisis… dreariness. Crowding. Lack of sunlight. I would join them, but I’m just not very funny.”

“We all know the underground has its problems, but we smile anyway. Why? We can't do anything, so why be morose about it?”

“A good philosophy.” I nodded wisely and headed to the left and the left again. I nearly tripped over a couple tiny rocks. One with a baseball cap. “Are they… alive?” I jumped when the baseball cap one spoke.

“Let’s play monsters and humans!”

“You aren’t gonna make me be the human again, are you?”

“Ah, to be young again.” I looked over at the large rock with a mustache who spoke. “The world felt boundless.” I straightened up. I walked to the house and knock on the door. I wanted to talk to everyone.

“Ahh, what a beautiful knock…! Maybe if I don’t answer, ill hear it again.” I glance at Sapphire who just shrugs. I knocked again. “Ahh, my patience rewards me.” I put my face on the door.

“I wanna talk to youuuuuu!” I sighed and perked at the sound of splashing. “What’s that?” I walked towards it and peered over the tall fence. There was a wolf throwing massive ice cubes into the river. “What is it doing? Hey!” I wave my hand to get their attention. I frowned. They didn’t notice me. “Oh well.” I looked towards the north. It was the bank of the river but was empty. I wandered back towards Grillby’s, feet getting cold in the snow. “Thank goodness. Another building.” I hurried to it and looked at the sign. “‘Librarby’?”

“Someone is stupid.” I kicked off my boots and slipped inside the door. I shivered at the temperature change.

“Hello! Welcome to the library. Yes, we know. The sign is misspelled.” A lizard-like creature greeted me.

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” I walked up to the creature that looked like the Loox I encountered in the Ruins.

“That look in your eye… you’re someone who has difficulty solving Junior Jumble, aren’t you?”

“Uh. Yeah? I mean neither of them are that hard for me,” I wait for a response. “Okay, I guess we’re done.” I move to the two monsters sitting across the table from the eye monster.

“I love working on the newspaper,” the yellow rhino-like monster spoke. “There’s so little to report that we just fill it with comics and games.” The other coughed.

“When i was younger, my teachers gave word searches when they ran out of assignments. I thought they were a waste of time. But look at me now… I’m the number-one Word-Search creator in the entire underground!”

“Congrats!” I grinned and headed up to the bookshelves. I browsed the colored books. I hated that they were out of color order. I pulled out a couple papers stuffed between the books. I looked it over. “How’s this in English?”

“Dunno. Looks like an essay. ‘Monster Funerals.’”

_Monster funerals, technically speaking, are cool as heck. When a monster gets old and kicks the bucket, they turn into dust. At funerals, we take that dust and spread it on that person’s favorite thing, then their essence will live on in that thing… uhh, am I at the page minimum yet? I’m kinda sick of writing this._

“It's almost like mobs. Except sounds like they die for real.”

“Instead of respawn.”

“Yeah. That’s sad…”

“So what happens if you kill monsters?”

“I’m not testing that.” I put the papers back where I found them and headed to the blue bookshelf. I pulled a random book out and to a page somewhere in the middle.

_While monsters are mostly made of magic, human beings are mostly made of water. Humans, with their physical forms, are far stronger than us. But they will never know the joy of expressing themselves through magic. They’ll never get a bullet pattern birthday card…_

“Huh. I suppose I walk the middle line.”

“Because you can do magic and are human?”

“Well half, but yes.” I put the book away. Nothing else had caught my attention. I moved to the yellow shelves and pulled out a random book.

_(Here i am… writing this book. A person comes in and picks up the book… they start reading it…!)_

“Oh, sorry.” I fumbled with the book, startled by the voice. I closed it and looked at the rhino monster. “I’m still writing that one.”

“Why’s it on the shelf then? … or not. Never mind.” I put the work in progress book back on the shelf. I slid to the orange shelves and pulled out a well worn book.

_Because they are made of magic, monster’s bodies are attuned to their Soul. If a monster doesn't want to fight, its defenses will weaken. And the cruler the intentions of our enemies, the more their attacks will hurt us. Therefore, if a being with a powerful soul struck with the desire to kill… um, let's end the chapter here…_

“That’s… terrifying…”

“That’s awesome. Imagine how easy it would be to wipe the underground clean.”

“Don't you dare.” Sapphire had a mysterious grin. I headed to the set of lime bound books after putting the orange away.

_“Monster History Part 4.” Fearing the humans no longer, we moved out of our old city, home. We braved the harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat… until we reached what we now call out capital. “New Home,” again, our king is really bad at names…?_

“I think we missed the first portion. Oh well i guess.” I put the book back and reached through the rungs of the ladder against the green shelf. I pulled a random book off the shelf and flipped it open.

_Love, hope, compassion… this is what people say monster Souls are made of. But the absolute nature of the “Soul” is unknown. After all, humans have proven their Souls don't need these things to exist._

“Well then… sounds like monsters are far closer than humans could ever hope to be…” I put the book back and looked around the library again. “I think that's all in here, and I’m feeling much warmer. Time to brave the cold again.” I pushed the door open and shivered at the cold wind blowing inside. I closed it behind me and headed deeper into town. I walked past a house with two mailboxes. One was packed with letters. Between the house and a shed was the other igloo.

I headed onwards. The area got foggier and foggier until I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. I squinted, seeing the vague outline of the taller skeleton.

“Human. Allow me to tell you about some complex feelings… feelings like… the joy of finding another pasta lover.”

“I hate that there’s no sound. It's like we went deaf.”

“I’m gonna make you mute soon if you don’t shut up.”

“... for another’s puzzle-solving skills. The desire to have a cool, smart person to think you are cool. These feelings… they must be what you are feeling right now!!” He turned away. At least i thought so. “I can hardly imagine what it must be like to feel that way. After all, I am very great. I dont wonder what having lots for friends is like. I pity you… lonely human… worry not!!!” He faces me again. “You shall be lonely no longer! I, The Great Papyrus, will be your… no… no,” he turned away. “This is all wrong! I can’t be your friend!!! You are a human! I must capture you!!! Then, i can fulfill my lifelong dream!!! Powerful! Popular! Prestigious!!! That’s Papyrus!!! The newest member… of the royal guard!” He faced me again and my necklace flashed. The fog cleared, replaced by black.

*Papyrus blocks the way!

The music was much like his normal music but more… musical? I didn’t know how else to explain it. “Why are my only options flirt and insult?! Ugh! Hey!” I growled when sapphire hit flirt for me. Papyrus blushed.

“What!? F-flirting!? So you finally reveal your ultimate feelings! W-well! I’m a skeleton with very high standards!!!”

“I can make spaghetti.”

“And it tastes like heaven.”

“Oh no!!! You’re meeting all my standards!!! I guess that means i have to go on a date with you…? Let’s date l-later! After I capture you!” Bones came at me but were easy to dodge. I just had to stand to the side of them.

“Is he serious?”

*Papyrus is thinking about what to wear for his date.

I spared him, since my other options sucked. The attack was the same. I just stood to the left of the bones.

*Papyrus is thinking about what to cook for his date.

“So, you wont fight… then, lets see if you can handle my fabled ‘blue attack!’”

“Right. Dont move.” The attacking plane abruptly rotates so the bones come from the ground. “What?!” I tripped over them and groaned, taking a moment to process. My necklace had turned blue.

“You’re blue now! That’s my attack! Nyeh heh heh!!!” I stood up straight.

“So it rotates the plane of attacks. Good to know. Guess I’m vaulting over bones.”

*you're blue now.

“Hm… i wonder what i should wear…” I jumped over the small bones. They got progressively taller. I struggled over the last couple, panting.

“What a work out…”

*Papyrus dabs marinara behind his ear.

“But… he doesn’t have ears?” Sapphire questioned.

“I can't focus with you blathering in my ears!” I jumped over the bone attacks, often misjudging the distance.

“Hold ‘up’ to jump!”

“What does that mean?!” I shouted as I ducked under oncoming bones while also jumping over. The invincibility saved me.

*Papyrus dabs MTT-Brand Bishie Cream behind his ear.

“HE DOESN'T HAVE EARS!”

“What?! I’m not thinking about that date thing!!!” I knew he definitely was, but I had to focus on his oncoming attacks.

“I guess you're really getting boned here~”

“Sapphire i swear to god i will murder you.”

*Papyrus dabs MTT-Brand Name Powder behind his ear.

“Hold up longer to jump higher. Jeez!”

“I still don’t know what that means!” I was doing pretty well so far at least, only getting a couple knicks.

*Papyrus dabs MTT-Brand Cute Juice behind his ear.

Sapphire digs through the stack of various containers he had set aside after use. “Where is he even keeping these??” We both saw him pull it out of the chest plate of his Battle Body. “That answers that question…”

“Yeah! Don't make me use my special attack!”

“This isn’t your special attack?!”

*Papyrus dabs MTT-Brand Attraction Slime behind his ear.

“I can almost taste my future popularity!”

*Papyrus dabs MTT-Brand Beauty Yogurt behind his ear.

“Papyrus: head of the Royal Guard!”

*Papyrus realizes he doesn’t have ears.

“It took him this long to realize he doesn't have ears?” Sapphire was going through the various jars and containers he had thrown aside after using.

*Smells like bones.

“What do bones smell like, anyway?”

“If either of us knew, it would be you.”

“You’re right. I love exposing bones.”

“Undyne will be so proud of me!” I lost my balance and took more damage this round. I groan and grip my necklace. It was severely cracked. Blood ran down my arms and legs. It wasn’t as bad as the Toriel fight, but it wasn’t good. I took out a cinnamon bunny and ate it, savoring the taste.

*Papyrus is rattling his bones.

“The kind will trim a hedge in the shape of my smile!”

“That’s great for you but can you stop?!” I was struggling to keep up. The attacks were getting faster and more complicated, including throwing in blue bones to throw off my rhythm.

*Papyrus is remembering a bad joke Sans told him earlier and is frowning.

“My brother will… well he won't change very much.”

*Papyrus is trying to play it cool.

“And failing,” Sapphire added.

“I'll have so many admirers! But… will anyone like me as sincerely as you? Someone like you is really rare.” I ate another Cinnabun, having really taking hits the last couple rounds. I was more focused on what he was saying vs the attacks i was meant to dodge. “And dating might be kind of hard… after you are captured. Ugh! Who cares! Give up!”

“Think he realizes that capturing means death?”

“I dont think so.” I duck under an attack. “Really wish i could move side to side here!”

*Papyrus is considering his options.

“Give up or face my special attack!”

*Papyrus prepares a non-bone attack then spends a minute fixing his mistake.

I ate another cinnabun. “I really hope one more is enough…”

“Yes! Very soon I will bring out my special attack! This is your last chance before my special attack!”

“He's really hyping this up.”

“I know. Last bunny…” I ate it, wounds closing and the necklace sealing up once more.

“Behold! My special attack!” A dog appeared in view, munching on a bone. “What the heck! That’s my special attack! Hey! You stupid dog!” The dog looked up with big eyes. “Do you hear me?! Stop munching on that bone!!!” The dog starts to scoot out of view. “Hey!!! What are you doing!!! Come back here with my special attack!!!” He sighs heavily. The dog was gone. “... oh well- I’ll just use a super cool regular attack.”

*Papyrus is getting ready for a regular attack.

He sighed. “Here’s a totally normal attack.”

“What?! This is normal?!” The bones were much faster. I struggled to keep up.

“The bones literally just said ‘cool dude’ and had a bone with sunglasses on a skateboard.” I looked at the large field of bones.

“I can't jump this!”

“Pretend you're flying.” I took a deep breath and did so, imagining I was soaring in the sky. A huge bone was at the end. I cleared it and landed flat on my face after getting past it.

“Holy shit that actually worked.” I groan and peel myself off the snow, rubbing my poor injured nose.

“Well!” He panted. “It’s clear… you cant… defeat me!!! Yeah!!! I can see you shaking in your boots!!!”

“No, I’m just getting cold.”

“Therefore I, The Great Papyrus, elect to grant you pity. I will spare you, human!! Now's your chance to accept my mercy.” I spared him without getting off the ground. I rolled onto my back and stared at the cavern ceiling. The battle closed and the fog cleared. “Nyoo hoo hoo… i can't even stop someone as weak as you… Undyne’s going to be disappointed in me. I'll never join the Royal Guard… and… my friend quantity will remain stagnant!” I sat up and stood. I hugged him around the waist.

“I'll be your friend.” His face lit up.

“Really!? You want to be friends, with me??? Well then… i guess… i guess i can make an allowance for you! Wowie!! We haven’t even had our first date… and I’ve already hit the friend zone!!!” Sapphire bursts out laughing.

“He doesn't know what that means!”

“Who knew that all I needed to make pals… was to give people awful puzzles then fight them?? You taught me a lot, human. I hereby grant you permission to pass through! And I’ll give you directions to the surface. Continue forward until you reach the end of the cavern. Then… when you reach the capital, cross the barrier. That's the magical seal trapping us all underground. Anything can enter through it, but nothing can exit… … except someone with a powerful soul. … like you!!! That’s why the king wants to acquire a human. He wants to open the barrier with soul power. Then us monsters can return to the surface! Oh, I almost forgot to tell you... to reach the exit, you have to pass… through the king’s castle. The king of all monsters…. he is… well… he's a big fuzzy pushover!!! Everybody loves that guy. I am certain if you just say… “excuse me, Mr. Dreemurr… can i please go home?” He’ll guide you right to the barrier himself!”

“Almost reminds me of father.”

“Yeah, because he's always nice and spoils you.” I scowled at sapphire who was still sitting by the MTT-Brand containers.

“Anyway!!! That’s enough talking!!! I'll be at home being a cool friend!!! Feel free to come by and have that date! Nyeheheheheheheh!!! He walks into the air and out of sight. Sapphire stares.

“Okay, what the actual f***.” I slowly shrug. I was at a loss. I brushed off and headed through the underground tunnel, back to the save point. I saved and headed back to the last house where I saw Papyrus standing. It was dating time.


	3. Chapter 2.5 - The Date!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date with Papyrus. What is Diamond getting herself in to?

I stepped into the undersnow tunnels and yelp, sliding across the ice on the ground. I made it to the other side in one piece, but I was dizzy. I crawled up the snow packed stairs, holding my head.

“That was terrifying…” I stood up straight and interacted with the spark in the snow in front of the inn and shop. I slid back through the tunnels like a penguin and walked up to the tall skeleton outside his house.

“So you came back to have a date with me. You must be really serious about this…”

“I mean, i guess so…?” I just liked spending time with him.

“I’ll have to take you someplace really special… a place i like to spend a lot of time!!!” He took off into town and towards Grillby’s. I pursued.

“Where are we going? Grillby’s?” He abruptly turned and headed back towards his house. “Uhm okay then.” I followed him back to the front of his house.

“My house!!!” He went inside without me.

“Couldn’t he have just… gone inside?”

“I think he wanted to make it a show or something.” I pushed open the door and closed it behind, kicking off my boots. I looked around. “It's cozy.”

“Why’s he just… standing there?” Papyrus stood near the base of the stairs, watching me. The music turned to what played while Sans spoke, a laid back theme. I walked up to a rock on a plate on top of a table to the right.

“Why are there sprinkles on it?” I leaned close and jumped when Papyrus spoke.

“This is my brother’s pet rock… he always forgets to feed it. As usual, i have to take responsibility.” I poked the rock.

“Is it… alive like the other rocks?”

“I think it's just a rock.” I was amused with the googly eyes glued to its surface. I looked to my left. There was a kitchen. I wandered in, looking behind me when i heard papyrus move over. “Where’s the sink?” I looked up. “It's on top of that?”

“Impressed? I increased the height of my sink. Now I can fit more bones under it! Take a looksie!”

“How does he cook spaghetti if he can’t reach the sink…?”

“That is a very good question with no good answer.” I opened the cupboard. “Where’s the bones?” I looked down at the white dog currently chewing on a bone at the bottom of the cupboard.

“What!?! Catch that meddling canine!” The dog took off out the door, along with the bone. “Curses!!!” A door above us opened and a trombone played.”Sans! Stop plaguing my life with incidental music!!!” The door closed again. I glanced at Papyrus and closed the cupboard again. I opened the fridge.

“I’m surprised you're looking in there.”

“I mean. What would a skeleton even eat?” The fridge had half of it filled with containers of spaghetti and the other half had a lone empty bag of chips. I made a face. “Why would someone put a wrapper back in the fridge?” I pick it up.

“Ah-ha! Interested in my food museum? Please. Peruse my culinary art show.” I closed the fridge, having taken the bag out. I put the bag in the trash.

“That’s the trash can. Feel free to visit it any time.”

“I’m starting to think they say things that have nothing to do with what i say or do…” I walked up to the stove and peeked inside the oven.

“My brother always goes out to eat. But… recently he tried “baking” something. It was like… a quiche. But filled with a sugary, non-egg substance. How absurd!”

“You mean a pie?”

“Mmmm… pie~” Sapphire drooled. I closed the oven and wandered out. “Sock.”

“That is indeed a sock. With post-its on it.” I peer closely at it. There were two distinctive hand writings. One that was far clearer, the other was pretty lazily written.

_‘Sans! Pick up your sock!’_   
_‘Ok.’_   
_‘Don’t put it back down! Move it!’_   
_‘Ok.’_   
_‘You moved it two inches! Move it to your room!’_   
_‘Ok.’_   
_‘And don’t bring it back!’_   
_‘Ok.’_   
_‘It’s still here!’_   
_‘Didn’t you just say not to bring it back to my room?’_   
_‘Forget it!’_

“Why’d they use notes instead of just saying it?”

“Maybe they weren’t in the house at the same time?” I shrugged and walked to the TV. “What do you think they watch underground?” I click it on. It had just strips of color and a “stay tuned” on the display.

“Ooh, it’s my favorite game-show!”

“He does realize it's not an actual episode right?”

“I honestly can’t tell…”

“What!!! It's usually better than this! This is just a bad episode!!! Dont judge me!!!”

“Too late.” I elbowed her and flopped on the couch. It jangled loudly.

“What the?” I pad the cushions and pulled out 20g worth of coinage. Sapphire stole it before I could give it to Papyrus. “Hey!”

“Finders keepers.” I huffed and looked over the side at the table. I picked up a joke book and cracked it open, finding a quantum physics book inside. “What the hell?” I opened the physics book, finding another joke book, and another quantum physics book inside that book. I kept going. “How far does this go?” I went through countless books before I finally closed them all at once with a loud ‘snap!’ Sound. I walked up to the skeleton.

“Welcome to scenic my house. Enjoy and take your time!” I walked up and peered at the print of a bone on the wall. “A classic image. It always reminds me of what's important in life.”

“What? Getting boned?”

“Sapphire I swear.” I peer at the door at the end of the hallway. “Uhm. Is that fire?”

“Looks like. Someone’s having a party.” I tried the door and frowned. It's locked. I went back to the door with all the warnings and police tape on it.

“That’s my room!!! If you’ve finished looking around… we could go in and… do whatever people do when they date???” I choked on my spit.

“I’m sorry _what_?” Sapphire bursts out laughing. He ran inside the room. I warily walked after and looked around. “It's… about what I expected honestly.” I wandered to his bed. “It's a car.”

“That’s my bed! If i ever get to the surface… I’d like to drive down a long highway. Wind in my hair… sun on my skin…”

“B-but… but…” Sapphire holds either side of her head, confused as hell. “He doesn't have that!”

“Of course, that's just a dream. So instead I cruise while I snooze.”

“Right.” I picked up a bone from the box he had by the door.

“Hey, those are all the attacks I used on you. Great memories, huh?” I stiffen as I remember. My body ached with phantom pains just at the thought. “Seems like it was only yesterday… even though it basically just happened.”

“Hey, Diamond, what do you think would happen if you put one up your—“

“Don't finish that sentence.” I put the bone back in the box and walked up to the desktop.

“The internet! I’m quite popular there. I’m just a dozen away… from a double digit follower count!” Sapphire counts on her fingers.

“Either he can't do math, or he’s negative followers.”

“Of course, fame has a steep price. A jealous troll has besieged my online persona.”

“What’s ‘besieged’ mean?”

“Oppress, plague, inflict, trouble, haunt, etc.”

“Oh. You’re a walking dictionary, you know that?”

“So you’ve told me.”

“Always sending me bad puns in a goofy font…” I peer at the screen with Sapphire.

“That would be the comic sans font. Hmmmm i wonder who could possibly be sending him puns in that font.”

“Probably his brother.” I opened the closet. Clothes were hung up neatly inside.

“There are no skeletons in my closet!!! Except me sometimes.”

“Does that mean he comes out of the closet?”

“Sapphire I swear.”

“Fuhuhuhuh~” i checked the bookshelf right beside the door to the closet.

“That book is one of my favorites. “Advanced Puzzle Construction for Critical Minds.” That next book is another of my favorites. “Peek-a-Boo with Fluffy Bunny.” The ending always gets me.”

“What an oxymoron.”

“I’m surprised you know such a big word.”

“Oh shut up.” I looked up at the large, ripped pirate flag.

“Isn’t that flag neato? Undyne found it at the bay… I think its from the human world? Now, I know what you're thinking. Why would a human flag… have a cool skeleton on it? Well… I have a theory. I think humans… must have descended from skeletons!!! Nyeh heh heh!!!” Sapphire face palmed.

“Okay, even I know that humans have a skeleton in them.”

“I think he’d like the Nether. They’d fit right in.”

“You’re right.” I checked the bedside table with various anime figurines on it. I didn’t know many of them, honestly. I’d rather read than watch television. Sapphire enjoyed a good manga though. She named a number of the characters, fangirling over them.

“Ah, yes, action figures. A great reference for theoretical battle scenarios.”

“You’d like chess, i think.”

“How do i have so many? Well, let's just say they’re from… a chubby, smiling man who likes to surprise people. Yeah!! That’s right! Santa!!!!”

“Right. Santa.”

“What’s a ‘Santa’?”

“We were just talking about Christmas outside…”

“Oh! That Santa!”

“What other Santa is there?” Sapphire simply shrugs. I went up to Papyrus. I had checked everything in the room.

“So, um… if you’ve seen everything… do you want to start the date?”

“I guess so?”

“Okay!!! Dating start!!!” I jumped as my necklace flickered and the area went black. I internally panic.

“Another battle?” The music was kinda like you’d hear in an elevator, a soothing but still upbeat song.

*Dating start!

“Here we are!! On our date!! I've actually never done this before. But don't worry!!! You can’t spell “prepared” without several letters of my name.” Sapphire counts on her fingers. Papyrus

“1… 2… 3… 4…. Four letters. So just over half. I guess that's good?”

“Yeah i guess.” Papyrus puffed up his chest and pointed to himself.

“I snagged an official dating rule book from the library. We’re ready to have a great time!” I choked again and coughed, progressing to wheezing. He pulled out a book and peers over it at me.

“One second, Pap.” I hacked a bit, finally getting my breathing under control. I stood up straight. “I’m good now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Saph, I’m sure. Now hush.” She leans over. Instinctively I lean away.

“You do want that dont you~?”

“Excuse me but we just met.”

“And?”

“And shut up.” Papyrus continued.

“Lets see… “Step one… press the ( C ) key on your keyboard for dating HUD.””

“Keyboard on what?”

“Maybe your phone?”

“Maybe.” I lift up my phone and put on the camera, pressing C on the keyboard. A number of things appeared on my screen.

“Why’s there a dog on the radar?”

“Why’s there a crime rate?”

“Touché. Guess it's midday on a Tuesday.”

“Guess so.”

“Wowie!!! I feel so informed!!! I think we’re ready for step two!!!” He looks back down at the book. ””Step two… ask them on a date.” Ahem! Human! I, the Great Papyrus… will go on a date with you!!!”

“Why is there a ‘yes no’ option for this?” I chose the positive response. His face lit up with a blush and his eye sockets glittered.

“R-really??? Wowie!!! I guess that means it's time for Part 3!!! “Step 3… put on nice clothing to show you care.”

“This is all the clothing i have…” I rubbed the back of my neck shyly.

“... wait a second… “wear clothing…””

“How disappointing. I was hoping you’d get naked for this.” I smacked her.

“Knock it off!” The music got more intense.

“That bandana around your head…” I looked up.

“I forgot about that.” I admit. I usually wore a headband.

“You’re wearing clothing right now!!! Not only that… earlier today, you were also wearing clothing!” His eye sockets sparkled again and he blushed. “No… could it be??? You’ve wanted to date me from the very beginning!?!” I attempted to correct him but he kept speaking over me. His eyes got huge out of shock and the music vanished into the void. “No!! You planned it all!!! You’re way better at dating than i am!!!” “N-noooo!!! Your dating power…!!!” A blue bar filled half way, situated above his head. He looked nervous before his confidence returned. “Nyeh! Nyeh heh heh!!! Don't think you’ve bested me yet!” The music kicks up, far more intense than before.

“I, The Great Papyrus… have never been beaten at dating and I never will! I can easily keep up with you!!! You see, i, too, can wear clothing!!! In fact… i always wear my “special” clothes underneath my regular clothes!! Just in case somebody happens to ask me on a date!!! Behold!!!” He disappeared into the darkness before returning in new clothes. Sapphire bursts out laughing.

“He’s wearing basketballs?!”

“Guess so?”

“What do you think of my secret style?!” I gave a thumbs up. “No!!! A genuine compliment…!!!” The bar above him filled to three quarters. The music, once more, cut out. “However…” his voice got serious. “You don't truly understand the hidden power of this outfit!!! Therefore… what you said is invalid!!!” The music returned to being very intense sounding. This date won’t escalate any further!!!”

“How disappointing. I wanted some action.”

“... unless you find my secret!! But that won't happen!!” I perked. My necklace glowed softly against my chest. I stepped forward and snapped up.

“Sapphire what are you doing?!”

“Checking his crotch. I dont feel anything.” She sounded disappointed.

“There’s no secret to my legs. Just hard work and perseverance…”

“Yeah but do you have junk?” I dragged her away before she could do more damage.

“Maybe its his shirt. We did see him pulling stuff from it before…”

“This shirt didn’t originally say ‘cool,’ but i improved it. Expert tip: all clothing articles can be improved this way.”

“Yeah, if you wanna be tacky as hell.” I pointed to his hat. I couldn’t actually reach it.

“My hat…? My hat. My hat!”

“Is he broken?”

“Nyeh heh heh!” His hat lifts off his head without him moving his hands. “Well then… you found my secret! I suppose I have no choice!” I step back to be able to see it. It was a gift box with a cute little bow tied on top. “It's a present… a present j-just for you!!!” The gift opens with a ‘poof.’ A plate of spaghetti laid in its place.the music faded. “Do you know what this is? “Spaghetti.” That's what you're thinking, isn’t it? Right! But oh-so wrong!” The music started again.

“This isn’t any plain ol’ pasta! This is an artisan’s work!”

“What’s that?”

“A crafter, basically.”

“Oh.”

“Silken spaghetti, finely aged in an oaken cask…”

“What’s a-“

“A barrel.”

“Did he eat a dictionary before the date?”

“Then cooked by me, Master Chef Papyrus! Human!! It's time to end this! There’s no way this can go any further!” I hesitated and took a small bite. Sans said his cooking wasn’t edible… I gagged on the pasta, face scrunching up. I reluctantly swallowed it, gagging again. I nearly threw it up again. Sapphire was laughing her ass off on the ground beside me.

“What a passionate expression!!! You must really love my cooking!”

“You could say that…” I hit my chest to make sure the food actually went down. It felt like a wad in my chest. “This was a mistake…”

“And by extension, me!!! Maybe even more than I do!!!” The date power bar moved to the left side of him. His eyes widened as the bar fills and breaks out. “Augh!!! Urgh!!!” The area went completely black. I couldn’t see him anymore.

“Papyrus?”

“Human.” His voice was extremely serious. “It's clear now. You’re madly in love with me.”

“I think you’re misunderstanding-“

“Everything you do. Everything you say. It's all been for my sake. Human. I want you to be happy, too. It's time that I told you. I, Papyrus…” the darkness cleared. The tall skeleton monster was facing away from me. He turns back,still in black and white. “I… um… boy, is it hot in here, or is it just me??” He appeared to be sweating. “... oh shoot. Human, i… I’m sorry. I don’t like you the way you like me. Romantically, I mean.”

“Who said i was in love with you? You jumped to conclusions…”

“I mean, i tried very hard to! I thought that because you flirted with me… that i was supposed to go on a date with you. Then, on the date, feelings would blossom forth!!! I would be able to match your passion for me!” His cheekbones lit up in a blush. “But alas… i, The Great Papyrus… have failed. I feel just the same as before. And instead, by dating you… I have only drawn you deeper… into your intense love for me! A dark prison of passion, with no escape.”

“You should really be a poet.”

“How could i have done this to my dear friend…? … no! Wait! That’s wrong!! I can't fail at anything!!”

“And just when we brought him down from his ego.”

“Human!!! I will help you through these trying times!!! I'll keep being your cool friend… and act like this never happened. After all, you are very great. It would. Be tragic to lose your friendship. So please… don't cry because i won't kiss you. Because, i don't even have lips.”

“So he knows he doesn't have lips, but not that he doesn't have ears, skin, or hair?”

“And hey, someday, you’ll find someone as great as me. Well, no. But i'll help you settle for second best!!! Nyeh heh heh!!!” He disappeared out of view before returning. “Oh, and if you ever need to reach me… here’s my phone number. You can call me any time! Platonically. Well, gotta go! Nyeh heh heh!” He disappeared into the darkness. The world returned to his bedroom. I glanced around, a bit disoriented at first.

“Looks like he left.”

“Seems so.” I headed out and down the stairs and outside. I slid through the tunnels and saved before returning to where we faced off. I took a deep breath. “Looks like this is the next area. Are you ready?”

“Eh. I guess. Sad we didn’t bang the skeleton but whatever.”

“He's a skeleton! How would that even…?” She shrugs.

“Magic? Hell if i know.” I rolled my eyes and crossed the border between Snowdin and the marshlands of Waterfall.


End file.
